In the realm of parenting, my journey began not with the question of how many children I desired, but rather whether I wanted any at all. Growing up, I observed men who contributed little while expecting much from the women in my family. The parents I knew often appeared stressed and irritable, making the prospect of parenthood seem less than appealing.
However, life took a predictable turn after high school. I fell in love, moved in with my partner, and married him at twenty-one. Eventually, I decided to embrace a more traditional path—one child, please. We conceived quickly, and I welcomed my daughter into the world in 2011 at the age of twenty-four.
The experience was magical; I loved her deeply—more than I could have imagined. Every stereotype about motherhood resonated with me. My husband was the opposite of the men I had known—he changed diapers and cooked meals, proving to be an exemplary father. We were content, but soon, I discovered that society had different expectations.
Unbeknownst to me, there is an unspoken rule that once you start having children, the idea of stopping at one is met with resistance from friends, family, and even strangers. An early comment came from a woman selling holiday decorations when my daughter was just six months old: “When do you plan on giving her a sibling?” I was taken aback—hadn’t I just given birth? The thought of another pregnancy so soon hadn’t even crossed my mind.
In response, I stammered, “We haven’t thought about it; we might just stick with one.” Her reaction was blunt: “Oh, you can’t do that.” I walked away, bemused by the audacity of a stranger dictating my reproductive choices. Yet, her words lingered, planting seeds of doubt. Was I selfish for wanting just one child? Would my daughter be adversely affected as she grew up?
As my daughter aged, similar comments became commonplace, often couched in concern: “Aren’t you worried about the age gap?” My husband became adept at countering these comments, reminding well-meaning individuals that children aren’t like potato chips—you can have just one.
To connect with other mothers, I formed a local playgroup, which was a wonderful way to make friends and watch my daughter grow. However, as my friends began to have more children, I found myself torn. My own pregnancy had been exhausting, and I couldn’t fathom navigating it again while caring for a toddler. I often told friends, “Maybe in a year; we’ll see.”
Fast forward a few years, and as my daughter approaches five, I continue to grapple with the implications of raising an only child. Am I being selfish? Am I making the wrong choice? I have friends expecting their third child, and while I admire their strength, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed at the thought of managing more than one.
I cherish the two-and-a-half hour breaks I enjoy while my daughter is in preschool. It’s my time to run, walk the dog, or sip overpriced lattes in peace. I relish these moments of self-care, yet I also struggle with feelings of inadequacy on tough days, questioning whether I could truly handle two children.
The reality is, no one can be their best self in every situation. We all have our limits, and raising children is challenging regardless of how many you have. I cannot view my daughter as merely an “only” child; she is my everything. Our life together is fulfilling, and we are genuinely happy. My husband’s income allows me to stay at home, our daughter will attend a good private school soon, and we even have plans for a trip to Disney.
Would a second child change all of this? It’s an uncomfortable truth that nobody knows for sure. Few parents openly regret having additional children, but the choice is far from simple.
For those considering their options, exploring resources such as Hopkins Medicine’s Fertility Center can be helpful. If you’re on a journey of self-insemination, you might find valuable insights in our article about couples’ fertility journeys. Additionally, a comforting recipe like this nourishing lentil soup can brighten up your winter days.
In summary, choosing to have only one child is a personal decision that should be respected. Each family dynamic is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Embracing the joys and challenges of parenthood in whatever form it takes is what truly matters.