Letting a toddler walk alongside you in a store is akin to taking an untrained puppy for a stroll without a leash—every few steps, they halt to examine something new, ready to sprint away at a moment’s notice. I was all too aware of this, but in my bleary state, I didn’t contest my older daughter’s refusal to sit in the shopping cart. With a five-month-old baby in my arms, I relented and allowed my three-year-old to navigate the aisles of the store.
She paused in front of fuzzy slippers and gave me her most convincing puppy-eyed look over a giant tub of Mega Blocks. For a miraculous 25 minutes, she managed to keep moving—until we reached the checkout line.
There it was: an enormous bag of M&Ms, placed perfectly to catch her eye. Just as I was patting myself on the back for our successful outing, the atmosphere shifted, and I braced myself for the inevitable.
“Come on, sweetie,” I said in my most gentle mom voice, smiling nervously. “No candy today. You don’t even really like those.” She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. What toddler doesn’t adore little colorful chocolates?
“I love them!” she wailed, collapsing onto the floor in a dramatic display of frustration. The sleepy baby woke up, adding to the chaotic scene. I dropped my cart and knelt down to address my daughter, who was now kicking and screaming while the baby squirmed against my chest.
Just then, an older man approached with a scowl. “What’s wrong with her?” he barked, jabbing a finger in my daughter’s direction. “You need to get her out of here!” He walked off, leaving me slumped on the floor with my distraught toddler and crying baby.
I was taken aback. Until that moment, I had never questioned whether there was something “wrong” with my child. Sure, she had a strong personality, and I had even read a book about spirited children. But it never crossed my mind that my child was anything but herself—a vibrant, emotional whirlwind who sometimes struggled to follow directions. And did I mention she was just 3 years old?
In that moment, I felt a mix of wanting to scoop my kids up and flee while also wanting to confront that rude man. How dare he suggest my child was “wrong”? Yes, her behavior was challenging, but that didn’t mean her feelings of disappointment were invalid.
Here’s the truth: children are new to the world and experience emotions just as deeply as adults do, often without the tools to manage them. They may act in ways that frustrate us or embarrass us, but that’s part of growing up. They’re learning about their feelings and testing boundaries, and this is completely normal.
As adults, our role is to guide them in understanding their emotions and helping them behave in ways that are considerate of others. It’s vital to recognize that there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with a child, regardless of their actions. Their behavior might be inappropriate or even dangerous, but labeling them as wrong can harm their self-esteem and lead them to feel unloved.
If you think for a second that I ignore my children’s misbehavior, think again. When my daughter is acting out, I address it directly. If she can’t calm down, we leave the situation. I don’t publicly shame her, as that can damage her developing sense of self-worth. Instead, once we’re both calm, I take the time to explain what behavior is acceptable and how to cope with big feelings.
Feeling disappointed, frustrated, or sad is completely normal. The goal isn’t to eliminate these emotions but to learn how to manage them effectively. Children require our patience and empathy, not judgment.
In short, there’s nothing wrong with being a child.
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Summary
It’s perfectly normal for kids to express a wide range of emotions, and their behaviors should not be labeled as “wrong.” As parents, we should focus on guiding our children through their feelings rather than shaming them.