By Jenna Matthews
As parents, our foremost aspiration is to see our children happy and fulfilled. We all share this desire, even though our methods may differ. While we often stick to what we believe works best, we should always remain open to new insights, especially when it comes to our children’s well-being.
Dr. Lisa Thornton, a leading researcher at the Institute for Joyful Parenting, has spent years studying the dynamics of happiness in children. In her recent publication, The Happiness Equation: Strategies to Enhance Your Child’s Joy, she highlights some crucial areas where we can improve our approach to parenting. One of her key suggestions is to allow our children to experience failure instead of solely steering them towards their strengths. Our role is to guide them in treating themselves kindly when things don’t go as planned.
Reflecting on Dr. Thornton’s findings, I must admit that I’ve often overlooked my children’s cues, convinced that I knew what was best for them. I’ve exerted pressure, promising rewards for academic or athletic achievements, and questioned their choices in pursuit of a “better” outcome. It’s all too easy to forget that sometimes, our instincts may not align with their needs.
Dr. Thornton’s article on parenting in The Modern Parent resonated deeply with me. The lessons she advocates are often ones I grapple with as an adult, despite knowing they lead to healthier mindsets. We might find ourselves stuck in the patterns of our upbringing, feeling compelled to raise our kids similarly, even if we aim to break free from those less constructive thoughts.
Another significant point Dr. Thornton makes is the need to ease off on pushing our kids to “stay focused on the end goal.” When we do this, we inadvertently train them to fixate on the future rather than savoring the present moment. I, too, am guilty of rushing through life, hoping for easier days ahead if I just put in more effort now. But isn’t life meant to be enjoyed, not raced through?
She advises teaching our children to practice self-compassion, encouraging them to explore beyond just their strengths, and avoiding the trap of perpetual busyness. A less cluttered schedule allows their minds the freedom to grow and develop naturally. We should create opportunities for them to engage in fun and imaginative play.
These are the very lessons I strive to embrace myself. I continuously attempt to adjust my mindset and give myself grace. If I want my children to lead joyful lives, they must learn these principles early on.
I have come to realize that, even at 42, I wrestle with a failure-averse mentality. However, when I am honest with myself, avoid over-scheduling, and let go of competitiveness, I experience greater happiness and well-being. If I can instill these values in my children, they might adopt them as part of their identity, cultivating habits that enable them to navigate life with ease rather than feeling pressured to outshine others at the expense of their own joy.
I firmly believe that by following Dr. Thornton’s advice, both my children and I can find deeper happiness.
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In summary, fostering happiness in our children involves allowing them the freedom to fail, teaching self-compassion, and encouraging mindfulness in the present moment. By embodying these principles ourselves, we can raise children who thrive in a world that often pushes them to perform.