I never imagined I’d be the mom of four children. While I always envisioned having kids, I thought I would stick to the norm of two—ideally a boy and a girl. It appears I’m not alone in this assumption, as many Americans still believe that two kids is the perfect number. The thought of having more than that felt daunting, financially straining, and simply outside my family planning dreams.
But then life happened. A combination of a relaxed approach to birth control and the undeniable cuteness of babies led me to become a mother of four boys. Just like that, I found myself in need of a minivan with a third row.
In today’s world, having four or more kids classifies a family as large, which is becoming increasingly rare. In fact, only 14% of families have four or more children. So, it’s no wonder that when I’m out with all my kids, I receive puzzled stares, comments like “You have your hands full!” and the ever-popular question, “Are they all yours?”
I can’t blame the confused onlookers; I often feel frazzled or overwhelmed myself. If you’re a mom with four or more kids, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not complaining about the workload, as all mothers work hard, regardless of family size. I handle cooking, laundry, and scheduling—just like every other mom. However, there’s something unique about moms of larger families that sets us apart.
So, what is that difference? While we may be juggling similar tasks, we often do them in a more chaotic fashion—maybe half-awake, on autopilot, or simply overwhelmed by the sheer number of responsibilities.
When I encounter other large families in public, there’s usually a knowing glance exchanged between us, a silent agreement that we’re both navigating our own delightful chaos. Here are some common experiences that unite us:
1. Memory Overload
I first realized this when I was pregnant with my fourth child. There were days I forgot I was even expecting, lost in the whirlwind of daily life. I’d sit down to relax, only to be jolted by a little kick, reminding me that there was another little one on the way. When asked about my due date, I often found myself stammering, “Umm, sometime soon?”
2. Financial Strain
Curious about the cost of raising four kids? Let’s just say it’s about the same as my orthodontist’s shiny new luxury car. From piano lessons to college tuition, the expenses multiply quickly. My budget has been stretched thin, trying to keep everyone clothed, fed, and educated.
3. A Mental Load of Details
Filling out forms at the doctor’s office can be an exercise in futility. Remembering social security numbers for all four kids? An impossible task! There are countless sports practices, school assignments, appointments, and more to juggle. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve forgotten to pick up a child from school or if everyone’s been properly vaccinated.
4. Frugality at its Best
When my kids were little, I would stretch a diaper to its limits before changing it. Just a little wetness? Not a chance I’m using a new one! If you want to learn some clever money-saving tricks, ask a mom of a large family—we can feed a small army with just one pound of ground beef.
5. Prioritizing What Matters
Perhaps the most valuable lesson from raising a large family is knowing what truly matters. With so much happening around us, we’ve learned to focus on the essentials. We’ve let go of the need to be hovering parents, allowing our children the freedom to grow while we manage our busy lives.
I take pride in the life I’m building for my large family. Yes, it can be chaotic and overwhelming at times, but it’s also incredibly rewarding to nurture these young lives and prepare them to contribute to society.
Is it exhausting? Absolutely. Do I crave moments of peace and quiet? Without a doubt! But I know that silence will come soon enough, and I’m sure I’ll miss the delightful noise of my bustling household.
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Summary
Moms of large families share unique experiences shaped by the chaos of everyday life. From juggling finances to managing schedules, these mothers have developed resilience and a stronger understanding of what truly matters in family life. They connect through mutual understanding and support, navigating the beautiful messiness of raising multiple children.