It begins innocently enough. I might be at a local park with my kids, trying to strike the perfect balance between giving them space to explore and hovering just enough to prevent any accidents. Sure, minor scrapes and bruises are part of growing up, but I’d rather not spend my afternoon in an Urgent Care with a child whose arm is bent in an unnatural way. No thanks.
My main goal during these outings is to prevent my children from breaking any bones or needing stitches. But then, the inevitable happens.
Another child, larger than my youngest, shoves her down or strikes her when she tries to join in their play. A kid calls my son a nasty name or pushes him aside. My jaw clenches. My muscles tense, and I can almost feel a surge of energy, akin to the Hulk preparing for battle. My irritation simmers as I envision unleashing my fury on the little miscreant who dared to treat my child poorly. After I’ve imagined causing chaos, I take a deep breath, pull myself together, and find my composure again.
Okay, it’s not always quite like that. While it plays out dramatically in my mind, in reality, I usually just shoot a glare that says, “I’m watching you,” and I make sure the other child’s caregiver sees my disapproval. This often makes the offending child back off while I simmer in my internal frustration, waiting until it’s time to gather my family and head home.
I understand, in my more rational moments, that harboring resentment toward these young offenders isn’t beneficial. Children are notorious for their occasional unkindness to one another; it’s a normal part of growing up. It’s unreasonable to expect every child to treat my kids with kindness constantly. But the moment I sense that my little ones are facing unfair treatment, something instinctual kicks in.
I would never actually lash out at a child, but the thought can be oddly satisfying, much like shutting the door on a persistent salesperson who refuses to acknowledge that I’m in a less-than-presentable state, trying to keep my screaming children at bay. It’s definitely as satisfying as letting out a well-timed expletive or telling an overbearing relative to mind their own business.
At the end of the day, I want my kids to learn how to stand up for themselves. If I believe they can handle a confrontation, I take a step back and let them manage it while I secretly fantasize about the downfall of the other child’s cherished toys. I want them to know that they can face challenges on their own, even though I could easily handle that unruly six-year-old.
I’m also not naive enough to think my kids are perfect. They can act out, too. If I witness them being unkind or someone brings it to my attention, I intervene promptly. I don’t condone bullying or name-calling, and I won’t ignore it while pretending it doesn’t exist. If I see it, or learn about it, I address it immediately.
By channeling my frustrations into productive activities like cleaning up after their messes or preparing dinner, I aim to teach my children the value of taking the high road. There’s no need for them to know about the darker thoughts that occasionally cross my mind, like plotting against the preschooler who intentionally tripped my toddler. They’ll come to understand some of life’s harsher realities eventually, likely in therapy. For now, I’ll keep my cool and let my imagination run wild when it comes to children who cross my little ones.
In Summary
Parenting can be challenging, especially when our children face unkindness from their peers. While it’s normal to feel protective and even vengeful in our thoughts, it’s essential to channel those feelings constructively. This approach not only fosters resilience in our kids but also promotes a healthier environment for everyone involved.
For more insights on preparing for parenthood, check out resources like this informative article and this expert site for guidance. Additionally, UCSF’s Center offers valuable support for families navigating pregnancy and home insemination.