I’ve been nursing for over seven years now. My journey includes breastfeeding each of my children for more than three years, with some even reaching the four-year mark. I’m sharing this not for any accolades or recognition—definitely not for a golden trophy or a “Best Mom” badge. What I genuinely want is for everyone to chill out about extended breastfeeding, particularly when it goes beyond the age of one.
I’m done concealing this aspect of my parenting and facing judgmental glances for something that is completely natural. It’s time for society to stop scrutinizing my relationship with my children—thank you very much.
Nursing my son, who is now 3 years and 9 months old, is quite different from nursing a baby or even a younger toddler. It usually happens once a day, and it looks like this: When he gets tired, we follow our bedtime routine—putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, using the potty, and finding his stuffed animal, Mr. Fluffy. Then we settle down to snuggle. I discreetly pull out my breast, and he latches on happily. He sometimes tries to grab at my breast, and we have a playful back-and-forth about it while I read a book and cuddle with him until he drifts off to sleep.
Clearly, this is abusive behavior that must be stopped. Just kidding, obviously.
Seriously though, whose business is it if my child wants to nurse longer than one year—a milestone that only 34.9% of American babies achieve? Research indicates that in the U.S., the average weaning age for those who practice extended breastfeeding is around 2.5 years, with some nursing until they are over seven years old. This aligns with practices in traditional cultures, suggesting that extended nursing is actually quite normal.
I’ve encountered all sorts of misguided objections to extended nursing, almost as if someone could be “against” a parenting choice simply because it doesn’t align with their views. The most troubling accusation? That it’s abusive in a sexual way. This idea is not only absurd but downright unsettling. If nursing a newborn isn’t abusive, then why would it become so when the child is three, four, or even five? A friend from a different background recalls nursing at the age of five without any negative feelings associated with it.
If you’re engaging in sexual activities while nursing, or if you’re asking your older child to nurse when there’s no milk available, those situations could be problematic. But aside from those cases, it’s best to keep any “abusive” comments to yourself.
People often ask, “How old is too old?” as if their opinion holds any weight in my nursing relationship. Some claim, “If they can ask for it…”—which, as noted by experts, often just implies that they find toddler nursing uncomfortable. Others suggest that extended breastfeeding could hinder a child’s development by preventing them from learning to self-soothe. Really? My older sons, who still cuddle with their dad to fall asleep, seem to be doing just fine.
Extended nursing works for us, and what we do in our home is ultimately our choice. As Slate cites, a psychiatrist noted that claims suggesting that breastfeeding into toddlerhood harms emotional growth don’t apply to toddlers.
Some men express concerns that extended breastfeeding affects their relationship with their partner. One man shared how his first-grade child calls breasts “boobalies,” which highlights that this is primarily a co-parenting issue. While I respect that men are involved in the nursing dynamic (even if indirectly), their grievances are not central to the broader conversation.
Curiously, when I asked my older sons, aged 7 and 5, about their memories of breastfeeding, they looked at me as if I were strange and said they didn’t remember. This is despite the fact that my 4-year-old was quite attached to nursing in public just a couple years ago.
If you need credible evidence that extended nursing is perfectly acceptable, look to the experts. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends continuing breastfeeding for at least one year or as long as both mother and child desire. As long as we both want to continue this journey, what difference does it make to anyone else? Let’s all take a deep breath and find something else to debate.
For more insights and tips on home parenting, check out our post on at-home insemination kits. Additionally, if you’re interested in pregnancy resources, the March of Dimes offers excellent week-by-week guidance. For further reading on related topics, you can explore this authority on the subject.
In summary, extended nursing is a valid and personal choice that works for many families, including mine. It’s time for society to respect that choice and focus on more pressing issues.