November is National Adoption Month, a time dedicated to celebrating the joys and complexities of adoption, coinciding with a season of gratitude. It’s heartening to see this occasion recognized by a presidential proclamation, lending it a sense of importance and visibility. As a family formed through adoption, we don’t categorize ourselves as an “adoptive family”; we simply view ourselves as a family. Our latest adoption was finalized over four years ago, and while adoption is a part of our lives, our daily routine is quite ordinary. Like many families, our breakfast discussions include topics like “birth mother” and “adoption day,” and we occasionally get questions from our kids in public, such as “Did my birth mom have brown eyes?” or “Why was I adopted?” These moments can be tough.
I strive to be open and supportive about adoption, wanting my children to have a positive view of their experiences. While discussing adoption in the middle of a store might not be ideal, it’s often when my kids choose to engage in these important conversations. You can’t simply silence them because it’s not convenient for you.
Concerns About the Presidential Proclamation
However, I have some concerns about the language used in this year’s presidential proclamation. While I’ve appreciated past presidents’ remarks on adoption, this year’s wording struck me as off. The proclamation states, “Adoptive parents are a selfless and loving part of God’s plan for their future children.” My immediate reaction? Disappointment.
Let’s be real: I’m not selfless. My husband and I chose to adopt because we wanted to be parents. Our decision wasn’t rooted in altruism. In fact, when we made the choice to adopt, it was driven by personal desires. Our daughter had just moved out, and I felt the emptiness of the nest quite acutely. I longed for the everyday joys of parenting—those small, yet meaningful moments.
Moreover, our adoption journey had no divine blueprint. As a Christian, my faith has undoubtedly supported us through the challenges of adoption. But I refuse to believe it was “God’s plan” for my boys to experience abandonment or for them to be born in a place where special needs are stigmatized and adoption is not embraced by current laws. The painful discussions about their birth mothers, especially with a young child, were heart-wrenching. There’s no way I can reconcile that level of suffering as part of any divine plan.
Adoption was our choice, and while faith guided us, it was our decision. I’m okay being “plan B” in my children’s lives because I’m a dedicated mom, regardless of whether selflessness is part of my narrative.
A Call for Reconsideration
I appreciate the acknowledgment of National Adoption Month from this administration, but I urge you to reconsider the phrasing. It’s November, a time to reflect on gratitude, but I do not identify as selfless, nor do I believe my children’s placement in my family is a result of divine foresight. I am a loving and capable parent regardless.
Adoption is multifaceted—it’s beautiful, complicated, and yes, at times, broken. To label it as merely “God’s plan” or to classify all adoptive parents as “selfless” is misguided. I support the awareness efforts, and I hope this proclamation encourages families to consider adoption. However, I also hope it doesn’t lead to misconceptions about the realities of adoption.
Resources for Further Exploration
For those interested in exploring the journey of home insemination, check out this informative post on using a home insemination kit. Additionally, organizations like Laura Johnson’s site provide valuable insights into this process, and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine offers excellent resources for both pregnancy and home insemination here.
Conclusion
In summary, it’s crucial that we portray adoption authentically, acknowledging both its joys and challenges without oversimplifying the experiences of adoptive parents.