Doctors advised us that our adopted son wouldn’t recover, yet I’m thankful we chose to disregard their warnings.
In the realm of adoption, the journey can often resemble a turbulent storm rather than a serene fairy tale. Our experience, especially in the early days, felt more like a nightmare. When we welcomed our son home from Ethiopia in 2010, I believed I had thoroughly prepared myself. I researched ethical adoption agencies, poured over stacks of international adoption literature, attended workshops on adoption-related behavior and development, and consulted with numerous seasoned adoptive parents. My husband and I even changed agencies upon discovering unethical practices. When we received our referral, we ensured that we could meet our son’s biological father in Ethiopia prior to finalizing the adoption.
Despite my confidence in our careful planning, the reality of bringing our son into our family unfolded in chaos. His transition was shrouded in fear, as if he was fighting for his very existence. We faced countless sleepless nights, and I vividly remember collapsing in the shower one morning, overwhelmed with tears and despair, unsure of how we would endure another day. We turned to other adoptive families and sought guidance from respected therapists and medical professionals, but the diagnosis was grim: reactive attachment disorder, or RAD.
Numerous specialists suggested that we consider rehoming our son or even placing him in a mental health facility. He was only four! Thankfully, my wise mother encouraged me to trust my instincts and fight for my child. I will forever be grateful for her unwavering support. What our son truly needed was someone to stand by him, someone who could offer unconditional love, no matter how long it took.
With the assistance of family, friends, therapists, and educators, our son gradually began to blossom into the remarkable individual he had always been within. As time passed and his English improved, he revealed to us that he was aware his biological mother was still alive. The details he shared were so vivid and heart-wrenching that guilt washed over me. Had we not taken all the necessary precautions? It was a moment that shook me to my core. I finally understood why our son had been struggling—he was fighting for a reason.
I had heard stories of families returning to Ethiopia to reconnect with biological relatives, so I began my search. Eventually, I found a private investigator who specialized in locating biological families in Ethiopia. After providing him with the necessary information from our son’s documents, we braced ourselves for the uncertain weeks ahead. What if my son was right? Would we have to reverse the adoption? Would that even be feasible or legal?
Then came the day an email from the investigator arrived in my inbox. It contained photographs of our son’s biological family, including a woman who looked like a maternal figure. When we shared the images with our son, he immediately shut the computer. Upon asking if he was alright, he revealed that the woman was indeed his biological mother. Tears filled his eyes, and in that moment, I recognized my own selfishness. My fears dissipated, replaced by clarity; our son deserved to see his family, regardless of what that meant for our future together.
I maintained communication with the investigator, exchanging letters and photos with our son’s family. This correspondence enabled our son to ask the difficult questions he needed answers to, which was no small feat given the sensitivity of the subject and the language barrier. Despite these challenges, this stranger became a crucial lifeline, helping my son navigate his path to healing.
In 2015, that stranger became a close friend as he welcomed my son and me into his guest house in Ethiopia. We embarked on a lengthy journey to meet our son’s family, which included navigating remote areas and switching vehicles for the mountainous terrain. The trip was unforgettable, representing a turning point in our son’s life.
The outpouring of love upon our return to his village was nothing short of miraculous. Family, friends, and neighbors greeted us with open arms, showering our son with affection and prayers. The most touching moment came when my son embraced his biological mother for the first time in six years. He had many questions for his parents, particularly regarding their decision to place him for adoption. They explained simply that, like many parents, they wanted to provide him a better life, free from the poverty that constrained them. The most profound revelation for our son was knowing that they loved him deeply.
When we returned home, our son carried a newfound sense of belonging—not just to our family, but to both of his families. We established plans to continue our correspondence, hoping to facilitate future phone calls and visits. He dreams of returning to Ethiopia with our entire family, allowing his adoptive siblings to connect with his biological siblings—a dream we are committed to making a reality.
Our son is an incredible, resilient spirit, and his decision to share his journey to help others fills me with pride. If you take away one lesson from our story, let it be this: while adoption can be challenging, the rewards are immeasurable. For more insights on this subject, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, our journey through adoption was fraught with challenges, but ultimately, the love and connection established between our son and his families made it worthwhile. Embracing the complexities of our experience has led to healing and growth for all of us.