Yesterday marked Canadian Thanksgiving, a festive occasion celebrated in October. My family and I ventured to visit my sister and her husband, but the journey was nothing short of chaotic. Picture this: two wailing children during a 60-minute drive. It was a real struggle.
The kids had missed their usual naps, leaving them cranky and restless. My son, Ethan, was recovering from a throat infection, while my daughter, Mia, had suddenly developed a strong aversion to car rides. The ride was a nightmare.
My stepson made an effort to entertain his little sister Mia, but she was determined to scream. I hoped the situation would improve once we arrived. Everyone was eager to escape the confines of the car.
Initially, things seemed to brighten up. My sister-in-law greeted me with a rum drink, Mia fell asleep in her seat, and Ethan went upstairs to play with his brother. I even felt somewhat like an adult for a moment.
However, as more guests arrived, Ethan grew restless after leaving the fun upstairs. He became overwhelmed by the crowd and started to cry, flailing on the floor and whining. It was far from ideal.
While the adults mingled, enjoying drinks and discussing travel and future plans for their children, I found myself chasing after a distressed toddler, trying to calm him down. Many parents of neurotypical children can relate to this, but our experience was compounded by specific challenges related to Ethan’s autism.
Here are the reasons we had to leave early:
- TV Time Ran Out: One of the few ways to keep Ethan calm is by letting him watch TV. While this worked for about 45 minutes, once it ended, he became agitated. I used to think I wouldn’t rely on screens, but parenting reality proved me wrong.
- Ethan is Nonverbal: This makes it incredibly difficult to understand his needs. Unless you’re familiar with him (which is mainly just me, my husband, my mom, and my brother), you have no clue what he wants. His flapping arms and escalating distress only add to the confusion. This creates a frustrating scenario, as my husband and I end up being his sole caretakers, even in a room full of people who care for him.
- Difficulty Coping with Change: Ethan missed his nap and, unlike Mia, who can sleep anywhere, he refuses to lie down outside of his crib. Without a crib available, he grew increasingly irritable.
- Hyperactivity: As mentioned, the only way to keep Ethan still is through TV. Otherwise, he dashes up and down stairs, demanding constant supervision. Dinner with family requires a high chair; without it, family meals are nearly impossible.
- Need for Baby-Proofing: Many homes lack the necessary safety measures for toddlers. Ethan doesn’t grasp the dangers around him — he’s taken off vent covers and climbed inside, getting hurt without realizing it. This requires me to keep a watchful eye on him at all times.
Ultimately, we decided to leave the Thanksgiving gathering early. Thankfully, my in-laws were understanding and even packed us food to take home. I felt a sense of relief once we left, despite the fact that our children continued to cry during the drive back home. At least we were no longer disrupting other guests.
Navigating autism can be challenging, especially when paired with the unpredictability of toddlers. For anyone in similar situations, I recommend hosting at your own home if possible, or at least trying to mimic your home environment (think Pack ‘n Play, familiar toys, etc.) and maintaining a routine. If we had better planned, we could have brought a portable crib for Ethan to rest in.
Lesson learned.
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Summary
Attending social gatherings with toddlers, especially those with autism, can be challenging. Factors such as changes in routine, communication barriers, and the need for a safe environment can lead to early exits from events. Understanding these challenges can help prepare for future gatherings.