My partner and I made the decision to separate just over a year ago. It was a mutual choice, and even though we both agreed it was for the best, the weeks that followed were some of the toughest I have ever faced. Now, having moved past that challenging period, I’ve gained valuable insights about love, loss, and the art of letting go.
I now view the person who was once my partner as a friend. We are co-parenting our three children and live in close proximity to one another. I’ve met his new girlfriend, and we get along well. We occasionally enjoy lunch together and share updates about our lives and our kids. Just last Sunday, after he dropped off the children, he stayed for dinner. As the evening wore on, we exchanged knowing glances that signaled it was time for him to leave, yet those looks also conveyed an understanding that we are doing what is best for our family, and we are at peace with it.
Our arrangement may seem unconventional to some, and I have heard comments questioning why we are no longer together. Initially, these remarks left me feeling uncertain. Did we make a mistake by separating before reaching a point of animosity? Was there something worth salvaging?
Looking back, I can chuckle at my earlier confusion. The answers are clear now. No, we did not err in our choice to divorce, and yes, we do have something valuable to preserve — our connection is being saved by acknowledging that it’s time to part ways.
Spending a few hours together now, enjoying meals occasionally, is a far cry from living under the same roof. While there are many people I cherish spending time with, I wouldn’t want them as a life partner, and I believe they feel the same way about me.
It’s entirely possible to appreciate someone without wanting to be married to them. Although this may be perplexing, our feelings about our situation are proof enough. We can lead our lives separately while still sharing important moments together. Our bond through our children is unbreakable, outshining any past resentment or anger. I believe that one of the reasons we can set aside any negative feelings is because we are no longer a couple.
In many respects, we remain a family, and I feel fortunate for that. We both recognize that we could have prolonged our marriage, but we agree it would have only led to further resentment, diminishing whatever love we had left.
While it may seem odd to some, there are parents who still find a way to enjoy each other’s company for short periods. However, this doesn’t mean they should remain married. Some couples choose to separate before their relationship deteriorates beyond repair, realizing that the best course of action is to part ways while they still have a sliver of goodwill left. This doesn’t equate to giving up or taking the easy route; it simply means they are prioritizing their happiness in a different way.
Of course, some couples can rekindle their love and save their marriages, but that wasn’t our path. We hoped for that outcome, but reality proved otherwise.
When you’ve tried everything and recognize that continuing to fight will only make things worse, walking away becomes the healthier option. If, after separating, you can still communicate civilly, grab lunch to discuss your children, and genuinely wish each other well, that’s a significant bonus.
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In summary, my partner and I made the decision to separate before resentment could take hold. While it may seem unconventional, we have since learned to maintain a friendship and co-parent effectively. Our children remain our priority, and we are committed to creating a positive environment for them.