This morning, as I was about to leave for work, my 3-year-old snatched a tangerine off the table and took it to my husband. I was in the midst of gathering my things and preparing to say goodbye when I heard him respond, “Go ask your mom.” If I had been in the kitchen, this might have made sense, but I was nowhere near it, fully dressed and ready to head out the door.
“Go ask your mom.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that from a man, I’d own my own private island with a resort called “I DON’T CARE.” Growing up, I can’t recall a single instance where my dad made a decision without referring to my mom first. If she wasn’t home, I’d end up calling her. If she didn’t answer and it wasn’t an emergency, I’d wait until she returned. In those rare cases of urgency (like “Dad, can I ride my bike to Sally’s house?”), he’d reluctantly say yes, but only with the caveat: “Check with your mom.”
My mom was the one who organized our lives. She scheduled everything: doctors, dentists, and orthodontist appointments, as well as sports events, concerts, and even field trips. She also handled the household chores—laundry, meal planning, and making sure we wore clothes that fit and ate healthy. And she did all this while holding down a full-time job. If she ever felt the way I do when I hear “go ask your mom,” she hid it well. She made it seem effortless, while I find myself feeling the weight of it all.
Why do dads default to “go ask your mom”?
Is it a lack of awareness, or are they genuinely trying to empower us? Should we feel flattered or insulted? It’s hard to pinpoint the reasons, but I have a few theories:
- Your time is more important than mine. In the tangerine scenario, I was rushing to get to work on time while my husband was scrambling because he overslept. Maybe he didn’t think about his response; perhaps it was a reflex. He didn’t have time to peel the fruit and engage our child, but apparently, I had all the time in the world to handle the request.
- I’ve enabled you to the point of no return. It’s as if there’s a mental flowchart that leads straight to “go ask mom.” Have I managed everything so seamlessly that my husband doesn’t even think to respond to our child’s requests? It feels like I’ve done him a disservice by making it too easy.
- I’m a terrifying beast in their eyes. Sometimes, after hearing him tell the kids to “go ask mom” multiple times in an hour, I start to wonder if I’m a scary creature that only he can see. If I were that intimidating, I’d understand his reluctance to engage.
- You think you’re empowering me? When discussing this with a friend, she suggested that my husband’s approach might indicate I hold all the power. In reality, it feels more like I bear all the responsibility. There’s a difference between power and responsibility, and being trusted with most of the household decisions doesn’t feel empowering; it feels burdensome.
For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out our post on home insemination kits, which touches on the complexities of creating a family. Additionally, if you’re interested in health care equity, visit this link for valuable information. For further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is an excellent option.
In summary, the phrase “go ask your mom” is more than just a default response; it reflects the dynamics of decision-making in parenting. It can feel frustrating when one parent seems to delegate all responsibilities, leaving the other to shoulder the load.