In the wake of the #MeToo movement, my social media feed has been flooded with painful revelations, often marked by the hashtag itself. One post that struck me was from a friend who bravely shared her experience: “Me too. Since I was 12.” Each account I read makes my heart ache, revealing the prevalence of sexual harassment and abuse — from inappropriate advances to outright assaults. I’ve come across stories of young girls facing unwanted touches in seemingly innocent settings like swimming pools and women frustrated by unwanted attention from those they trusted.
As a mother of three boys, I often grapple with the fear that they could one day contribute to this culture of harassment. The troubling comments I’ve encountered in discussions like the now-deleted “Ask a Rapist” thread only reinforce this concern. Many boys and men justify their actions with excuses like “I was drunk” or “I didn’t listen because I wanted it.”
I refuse to let my sons become part of that narrative. It’s not enough to simply hope they won’t be those men; I must actively teach them about consent and respect for all individuals. Consent begins with a fundamental understanding of their own bodies. It’s more than just saying “no one can touch you inappropriately.” It’s about recognizing that no one should make them feel uncomfortable in any way.
If they don’t want to hug Aunt Sally, they don’t have to, even if she tries to persuade them. We’ll step in to support their choices and perhaps suggest alternatives like a high-five or a wave. Consent also extends to the concept of stopping when someone asks to stop, whether during tickling or roughhousing. I constantly remind my family that tickling is only enjoyable when everyone involved is laughing and consenting.
When my sons express discomfort, such as during routine tasks like brushing their teeth or clipping their nails, we validate their feelings. We acknowledge, “I know this isn’t fun, but it’s important for your health.” In our home, we model consent by asking for permission before affection: “Can I give you a hug?” This playful interaction teaches them how to initiate and receive affection respectfully.
As they grow, I will guide them in understanding consent with others. Roughhousing is fine, but they must always ensure their playmates are willing participants. If a friend seems upset or tries to escape during play, it’s time to stop and reassess. We’ll discuss what could have been done differently, always emphasizing that consent is paramount.
As my boys mature, our conversations will become more direct and candid. We’ll discuss real-world examples of sexual assault and the implications of substance use on consent. I’ll share stories about the uncomfortable experiences that many have faced, helping them understand the gravity of disrespectful behavior.
We’ll also cover how to stand up for others when witnessing inappropriate actions. My husband will take the lead on this aspect, as he’s more adept at navigating conversations with other men. We’ll rehearse phrases like, “That’s not cool” or “You don’t treat people like that,” preparing them to confront unacceptable behavior confidently.
Most importantly, I want my sons to embody the phrase, “I believe you.” If someone confides in them about a traumatic experience, I want them to respond with empathy and support, asking how they can help. While the #MeToo movement may evolve over time, the core message of believing and supporting survivors remains vital.
The heartbreak stemming from the #MeToo revelations can inspire us to take action. It starts within our own families, emphasizing the importance of consent and respect, and it begins now. If you’re looking for more insights on empowering parenting, check out our post about home insemination kits.
In summary, instilling a robust understanding of consent in my sons is a proactive approach to combatting the troubling culture of harassment. Through open conversations, modeling respectful behavior, and preparing them to stand up for others, I aim to raise boys who respect boundaries and value the autonomy of all individuals.