My social media feeds are overflowing. “Me too, Me too, Me too” reverberates quietly across my screen—a chilling anthem from both women I adore and those I’ve never encountered. The message is the same, repeated countless times: “I have endured a violation of my body, my essence, my very humanity because I am a woman.” It’s both unsettling and appalling how widespread this reality is. One instance is already one too many, yet perhaps the flood of voices will help illuminate just how pervasive this issue truly is.
I didn’t share a “Me too” post myself. I simply couldn’t. At 42, I have never faced sexual assault. I’ve never experienced sexual abuse or even harassment. I’ve encountered crude jokes and comments from the sidelines, but nothing has been aimed directly at me.
The fact that this is my reality is not because of my actions or choices. I’ve found myself in numerous situations where a man could have easily overstepped my boundaries and used my body without consent, with no one the wiser. Yet every man I’ve been alone with has respected my limits. Each man I’ve begun to explore physical intimacy with has halted when I’ve expressed hesitation.
I have never felt the confusion, fear, and shame that my friends who have faced assault have experienced. I’ve never had someone strip away my humanity and treat me as an object simply because I’m a woman. I’ve never had my power challenged in such a dehumanizing way.
And how do I feel about my lack of violation?
Fortunate.
Relieved.
Grateful.
Let that irony sink in for a moment. It’s absurd that I should feel lucky for never having my body assaulted, as if I’ve won some sort of twisted lottery. I shouldn’t feel relieved that I’ve avoided rape, as if I’ve successfully navigated a deadly game of chance. I shouldn’t be grateful that the men in my life have treated me with respect when that should be the norm.
Yet here I am, feeling just that.
This is the reality of being a woman in our society. For as long as I can remember, my safety has been a constant concern. Whenever I’m alone with a man I don’t fully trust, I can’t help but think, “What if he tries to assault me?” I’ve concocted escape plans while laughing over dinner, imagining using self-defense techniques I’ve learned while watching movies together.
Being a woman alone means being perpetually alert. Every time I walk down the street, leave a store, enter my car at night, or find myself in a confined space with a man, I’m on guard.
Once, I asked my partner if he ever considers the possibility of being assaulted while running alone. His bewildered expression said it all. Mugged? Perhaps. Assaulted? Never. Do you know any men who carry “rape whistles”? I don’t. Yes, sexual assault happens to men, and it’s never acceptable. But let’s be honest: Most men don’t navigate life with the constant fear of having their bodies violated.
Most women I know, including myself, do. We carry that underlying fear of what could happen to our bodies without our consent. It might not always be at the forefront of our minds, but it’s never far from it.
We all know women who have faced assault. Those of us who have managed to remain unharmed thus far have comforted those who have cried, imagined their trauma in horror, and questioned why we’ve somehow been “lucky” to escape similar fates.
This is why I stand alongside those women who bravely share their stories, regardless of how long it takes. This is why I support those who choose to remain silent, as is their right, but who carry those experiences with them daily. This is why I advocate for better legislation and justice concerning sexual assault and harassment. This is why I refuse to remain silent about rape culture, even though I’ve never been a direct victim of it.
Because I feel fortunate that I’ve never been violated. Because I still fear that it could happen. Because this is what rape culture looks like, even for the fortunate ones.
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In summary, while I have been one of the fortunate ones, the fear and reality of rape culture persist. We must continue to amplify our voices and support those who have endured, advocating for change and justice in a society that needs it desperately.