No, I’m not upset, annoyed, or having a bad day. Everything is perfectly fine! Yet, friends, family, and even random strangers feel the need to check in and ask if I’m okay.
I have what’s commonly known as Resting Unapproachable Face (RUF), where my natural expression comes across as stern, indifferent, or even intimidating. Here are some signs you might also be living with RUF:
- People say you look better when you smile, or that you should smile more often.
- Your partner is often concerned that they’ve upset you.
- Some people have compared you to an unapproachable celebrity, like Kristen Stewart.
- Strangers tend to steer clear of you, thinking you might be in a bad mood.
Honestly, that last point is my favorite part about having RUF: it keeps unwanted attention at bay. It’s like a protective barrier that helps me avoid those awkward conversations I’d rather skip.
I can almost witness people’s reactions to my unapproachable expression in real time. They catch sight of me, smile, then notice I’m not returning it, and quickly divert their path. I guess my face gives off a vibe that screams “I’m too busy for chit-chat.” And honestly, my RUF has been a lifesaver when it comes to dodging uncomfortable interactions.
Take, for example, the school meeting when Sarah requests volunteers for the bake sale. She glances at me standing in the back, deadpan like I’m auditioning for a role as the next Wednesday Addams, and wisely decides not to approach. If I do show up at the bake sale with store-bought treats, she won’t bat an eye.
At the park, fellow parents don’t engage me in conversation. On the street, people don’t stop to chat. Even on public transport, my expression conveys “I might just be a regular person, but I could also be a secret agent with pepper spray.” Better safe than sorry, right?
RUF has also been beneficial during grocery store trips. I’m one of the few who doesn’t exude a “please, engage me in meaningless small talk” vibe while waiting in line. Something about my permanently unimpressed expression seems to signal that I’m not interested in discussing the sale on apples.
Another perk of RUF is that it sets the bar low. When people finally get to know me, they’re often surprised to find I’m actually pretty nice. However, it does sting a bit that the assumption is I’m unfriendly just because I’m not smiling. Why must women always be cheerful? That’s just unfair.
This expectation doesn’t seem to apply to men—unless there’s a thing called Resting Unfriendly Face (although I’ll be the first to admit that might not be the best term).
Ultimately, I don’t owe anyone a smile if I’m not feeling it. Period. I refuse to wear a fake grin just to make a stranger comfortable. If anything, I’ve learned to appreciate that my RUF helps keep interactions to a minimum.
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In summary, my Resting Unapproachable Face has proven to be a delightful tool for navigating social situations, allowing me to dodge unwanted attention while also setting expectations low. And I firmly believe that I shouldn’t feel pressured to conform to societal norms regarding my expression.