So, you’ve been told you need a colonoscopy? Don’t fret; it’s a rite of passage for many of us. Whether you’re hitting the big 5-0, have a family history of some unpleasant issues, or require an earlier check-up for other reasons, it’s going to happen.
I recently went through this myself. While I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the procedure, I decided to tackle it with the mindset of, “Really? Do I have to?” immediately followed by, “I’m going to nail this!” To help you prepare for your own colonoscopy, I’ve put together a fantastic list of what to do.
- Invest in Premium Toilet Paper
Go for the plushest toilet paper you can find—think crushed velvet softness and maybe a touch of luxury. Don’t skimp on this; you’ll thank yourself later. And those flushable wipes? Essential. - Communicate Clearly with Your Partner
Make sure your spouse or caregiver knows what’s expected while you’re out of commission. For example, I shot a message to my partner, “I’ll be busy in the bathroom all morning, so you’ll need to handle school drop-offs.” - Prep the Kids
Explain what’s happening in a kid-friendly way. I told mine, “Doctors are going to send a little camera up my backside to check things out. Tomorrow, I’ll be drinking some pretty awful stuff, and I’ll be spending a lot of time in the bathroom. Afterward, I’ll be munching on ice cream in bed, so please don’t bother me unless you have more ice cream!” They were definitely intrigued. - Choose Your Last Meal Wisely
Make it something you truly enjoy, but remember it might be forever tainted by this experience. I indulged in a sushi feast and a bit of candy to make the fasting phase a little easier. - Make Some Crude Jokes
Humor is your friend! My partner and I shared some laughs about the day ahead, with plenty of puns about the situation. “Don’t worry, it will all come out okay!” - Prepare for Liquid Diet
About 24 hours before the procedure, you’ll be on a liquid diet. If you’re like me, you might get a bit hangry, so it’s best to isolate yourself to avoid snapping at family members. - Embrace the Bowel Prep Solution
When it’s time to drink that cleansing concoction, try to make it fun. Share your “joy” with those around you. - That Cleansing Juice? It’s Gross
It’s worse than bad medicine, but just down it. You’ve survived worse in your college days—just chug it! - Set Up Your Bathroom Command Center
Gather all the essentials and entertainment to keep you occupied. Make sure your devices are charged, and if you have a cushioned toilet seat cover, now’s the time to use it. - Wear Comfy Pants
Go for elastic waistbands; avoid anything with drawstrings. You’ll need to make quick trips to the bathroom, and every second counts. - Choose Your Underwear Wisely
Skip the fancy or white underwear. You may want to consider burning them after this experience. - Skip Live-Tweeting
Avoid broadcasting your colon cleanse on social media, but feel free to capture some selfies for your “Poop Club.” (Oops, I broke the first rule again!) - Take Breaks Between Bathroom Visits
When you’re not in the bathroom, find a comfy spot nearby. Avoid any squatting or bending—just don’t do it. - Shower Before the Procedure
Take a nice shower the morning of, but be prepared to make a quick dash to the toilet. - Be Polite to Medical Staff
Even if they struggle to get the IV in. Remember, they’re going to see the inside of your colon, so kindness goes a long way. - Crack Awkward Jokes with Doctors
Watch them pretend they haven’t heard “that one” before and relax—this is the easiest part. - Update Everyone Post-Procedure
Let your loved ones know how you’re doing afterward. - Consider Holiday Cards
If you plan it right, you might even include pictures of your colon in your holiday greetings. Just kidding!
P.S. To my partner, this whole experience reaffirmed why I’m not into butt stuff. Sorry about that.
So there you have it—your guide to preparing for a colonoscopy, delivered with a sprinkle of humor. For more information on home insemination, consider checking out this excellent resource on IVF. And if you’re looking for home insemination kits, you can find more details on this link. Also, be sure to explore fertility foods to support your journey.
Summary
Preparing for a colonoscopy can be daunting, but with a little humor and strategic planning, you can approach the experience with confidence. From stocking up on quality toilet paper to understanding the bowel prep process, this guide offers a lighthearted take on what to expect.