Jamie Lane from New York writes: How should I handle my picky eater? Should I let them stick to the few foods they like, or should I insist they eat what’s served and risk a mealtime battle?
Oh, Jamie… It sounds like you might have been eavesdropping on a recent chat I had with my mom. She scolded me for telling my 4-year-old that I wouldn’t whip up a different meal just because she turned her nose up at what was on the table. My mom insisted she wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing there were other options in the house that I could make but chose not to. I calmly replied, “We just have different parenting styles, Mom. But guess what? I sleep like a bear in hibernation, and my kids are healthy, so…”
We’ve all heard the myriad reasons our kids refuse to eat or even consider trying new foods:
- “I just know I won’t like that.”
- “It looks gross.”
- “It smells funny.”
- “It’s too lumpy/smooth/chunky/creamy.”
- “I’ll try it later, when I’m older.”
- “I can’t eat things that smell like poop.”
- “It’s too spicy.”
- “That looks like something I’m allergic to.”
Dealing with picky eaters can turn mealtime into a daunting and stressful event for everyone involved. Naturally, we want our children to be strong and healthy. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if they eagerly devoured, or at least sampled, everything we served? Who wouldn’t want their kids to enjoy a diverse array of fresh fruits and vegetables or any chicken dish that doesn’t come in the shape of a dinosaur? Most kids, however, seem to have taste buds more in line with Guy Fieri than Ina Garten, and convincing them to try anything beyond their comfort zone is about as easy as sneezing with your eyes open.
In the past, I would beg, negotiate, and plead with my children to “just take one tiny bite!” This often resulted in whining, tears, and frustration — and that was just from me. It was exhausting. But now, I’ve switched gears with my approach to my picky eaters. Here’s what I do:
When I prepare a meal — and trust me, I’m not serving anything outrageous like haggis or mystery meat — my kids can either eat what’s been made or not. No more bargaining, compromising, or frustration at the dinner table.
As parents, we often have to choose our battles wisely. Personally, I refuse to battle my kids over food. I’ve discovered that the less I push, the less they push back.
Here’s how it typically goes down in our home: After cooking, I ask if they’d like to try dinner. More often than not, they request a taste, and many times, they end up eating what I’ve prepared. If they decide against it, they’re free to make a healthy alternative, as long as it gets my or their Dad’s approval — no junk food like Funyuns or Sour Patch Kids allowed.
Moreover, if they opt to prepare a substitute meal, they’re responsible for cleaning up the mess they made. This strategy works best for older kids who can navigate the kitchen, but even my 4-year-old can grab an apple and cheese stick if she turns her nose up at the delicious pot roast I made.
Of course, there are special situations to consider, particularly for kids with food aversions or sensory processing issues. Parents of these children, like my 7-year-old, understand that their needs require a personalized approach. My son isn’t refusing the pot roast to be difficult — he has legitimate challenges, and I must be sensitive to that. When he’s older and can handle the stove, I’ll expect him to prepare his own meals too.
For the other six kids, though, they need to figure it out themselves. Not interested in my pot roast? That’s perfectly fine — more for me! Just don’t even think about asking me to whip up a sandwich. I made pot roast, and that’s what’s for dinner.
I’m not a short-order cook, and I won’t engage in lengthy negotiations when they can, if they choose, have Greek yogurt and baby carrots for dinner every night until they head off to college. It’s a lot more than some kids get, and it saves us all a heap of frustration. They get to make their own reasonable meal choices while I retain my sanity. Win-win!
Most children aren’t going to embrace the “eat the rainbow” philosophy promoted by the USDA. So, perhaps the best we can hope for is that they might “taste the rainbow” if we let them dip vegetables in melted Skittles — just kidding, that’s gross and not nutritious!
If your child is an adventurous eater who eagerly tries new foods, please share your secrets — I’m all ears! Well, not really, since my method works for us, but I’ll pretend to be interested.
I can almost hear my mom shaking her head as she reads this. Different strokes, Mom. Love you!
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of picky eaters can be exhausting, but adopting a flexible approach can ease mealtime stress. By offering meals without negotiation and allowing children to make their own choices, parents can foster independence while maintaining their sanity. It’s essential to recognize individual needs, particularly for children with food aversions. Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that works for both kids and parents.