Hey there, you from four years ago! I have to say, those eyes of yours look a bit vacant, don’t they? Beneath all that exhaustion, I can sense a simmering storm of frustration.
Ah, yes, there it is— the pent-up irritation that flares up every time your two-year-old decides to have an accident right after you asked him to use the potty. And let’s not forget that the other little one is just a baby! Managing potty training while nursing is a real circus act, isn’t it?
Coming home after a long day at work? Pure chaos! The kids are cranky from daycare, everyone’s starving, and they’re all in your space as you try to whip up something to eat without tripping over tiny feet or burning your fingers.
You remember those days, right? Days when you couldn’t even sneak off to the bathroom without an audience, and sleep was just a distant memory? Oh, and that hair? It’s not really styled; it’s just been neglected since 2012. Your dark, comfy clothes? They don’t show the messes—but they also don’t show a hint of joy.
But hey, don’t be hard on yourself! You look… well, you look okay. Just as okay as you’ll feel for another couple of years. Sure, you adore your kids and often find yourself misty-eyed over their milestones. They’re adorable little creatures who adore you back. But that doesn’t mean you’re not frustrated. Frustrated that you never get a moment of solitude, that you work full-time just to cover daycare costs, and that your patience is wearing thin.
The older one coming to your side of the bed at night, or needing to bring the baby’s bouncy seat to the bathroom just to keep him quiet? It’s a lot. Pumping in the car and spending every evening washing pump parts? The “sour hour”—that frantic time before bedtime—is the only real time you spend with your kids on weeknights. And it seems like you’re perpetually waking up when all you want is to sleep more.
I know what you’re feeling because it wasn’t that long ago. You’re angry. Or maybe you’re too worn out to even acknowledge it, but you should be! Everything has changed. It’s an exhilarating yet terrifying experience. You’re always on call, with demands for love and attention that never cease. And every day brings new chances to feel like you’ve failed.
It’s tough. And maybe it’s easier to ignore that anger for now—there’s so much on your plate. But here’s the silver lining: in about four years, you’ll look back and realize just how angry you were. And then, suddenly, you won’t be anymore. It’s an incredible transformation.
Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll go through a phase where you recognize that juggling work and family isn’t working, and you’ll decide to stay home full-time with the kids. Sure, some days feel like a total nightmare. But believe me, it’s worth it. Before you know it, the oldest is in first grade, and the youngest is in preschool. You’ll ease back into work, one step at a time.
Guess what? They sleep through the night now—most of the time. Yes, there are still hiccups like full moons or sick days, but you can actually get some rest. Sometimes you might even sleep until 8:00 on weekends, if the boys are engrossed in their iPads and not shouting like they’re on a canyon.
And they talk—oh boy, do they talk! Full sentences, and loud enough to wake the neighbors. But they also get along, play together, and watch movies while you manage a small workout session without them losing their minds.
You’re reclaiming your freedom bit by bit, and it feels like a luxurious treat compared to the barren landscape of that time when you felt you had no “me” moments. You’re starting to feel good again, and that realization—how angry you were—will hit you hard because you’re no longer mad.
So, see? It’s going to be alright. Your life will change forever, but where you’ll be in four years is amazing. A world better than where you are now.
Hang in there, past me. Our paths will cross again before you know it. But for now, I’ve got to run—future me is blowing up my phone about some teenage drama. Best to savor these moments while they last.
You too, past me. You too.