Thursday mornings are a real trial for my relationship. If we ever found ourselves in a divorce court, our excuse might just be “Thursday mornings.”
While it’s tempting to blame the overflowing trash bins for our marital strife, I suspect it’s more about our attitudes. My partner, Alex, prefers to ease into the day with a peaceful morning vibe. Unfortunately for him, Thursdays turn me into a morning drill sergeant. It’s the day when every minor annoyance in our lives seems to explode in a 30-minute frenzy of chaos.
I wake up on Thursdays feeling fine, but then the reality hits: the kids’ musical instruments, their disdain for school lunches, the notes I need for bus drivers, and of course, garbage day. That means dealing with food scraps from the fridge and gathering our mountain of garbage cans. It’s also the day when everything seems to go awry; cereal spills, dishes shatter, compost bags leak their foul contents, and the kids morph into tiny troublemakers. By the time I get out of bed, I already feel like I’m shouldering it all alone.
But that perception isn’t entirely accurate. Alex is an engaged and supportive partner and parent, yet I manage to convince myself otherwise. Sure, we could organize better, and we’ve tried various methods to streamline our mornings, but let’s face it: we’re a hot mess.
On these chaotic Thursdays, we lose sight of the fact that we entered into this partnership to navigate parenting and marriage together. We find ourselves nitpicking each other’s missteps rather than recognizing our mutual strengths. We go into self-preservation mode — it’s every person for themselves until the chaos subsides.
“I need your help today,” I say, juggling a recycling bag while trying to caffeinate.
“We waste too much food,” he retorts, slamming Tupperware into the sink with a little too much force.
“Yelling at me about food waste doesn’t help,” I shoot back, although I’m tempted to add, “It’s because I can’t stand you on Thursdays.” He knows the thought is in my head, even if I don’t voice it.
These mornings, we forget that we chose to be a team when we got married. We overlook the fact that neither of us wants to be bossed around, so why are we doing it to each other? If we’re not in this together, what’s the point?
I’ve witnessed too many couples keeping score in their minds, tallying up time spent, chores done, and favors exchanged like participants in a never-ending contest. They mentally catalog who gets the most sleep or who spends more time socializing. This mindset can lead to frustration and fatigue, making it feel like they’re constantly losing — much like us during our hectic weekday mornings.
Determined to break this cycle, Alex and I made a pact to remind ourselves of our partnership, even on those chaotic mornings when everything seems to go wrong. Amid scattered cereal and leaking trash, we take a moment to pause, share a playful nudge, or even laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.
Recently, I had to rush out of town to support my mom who was in the hospital. Without hesitation, Alex said, “Go, I’ve got everything handled.” He even learned how to style our daughter’s hair just the way she wanted it for school picture day, which is quite the feat considering her particular tastes.
That’s the essence of marriage: being there for your partner when they need it most, offering help and encouragement, and remembering that it’s a partnership, not a competition. It also involves tackling the smelly garbage together while managing school lunches and sleepy kids — without losing our cool, though we’re still mastering that part.
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Summary
Marriage is a partnership that often gets overlooked, especially during chaotic moments like Thursday mornings. The strain can lead to scorekeeping and frustration, causing couples to forget they’re on the same team. By prioritizing support and teamwork, couples can navigate challenges together, reinforcing their bond and ensuring they remain partners through thick and thin.