There’s a thought-provoking piece circulating online titled “In Defense of Average Kids.” In this article, Lisa Morgan shares a story about her son, Max, who expressed interest in learning the trumpet. They bought him the instrument and enrolled him in the school band, only to discover that he wasn’t exactly a prodigy.
The band director suggested private lessons, and like any devoted parents, the Morgans considered it. However, after calculating the costs—$150 for the band program and an additional $50 monthly for the trumpet rental, plus the expense of lessons—they found themselves questioning why they had even encouraged Max to pursue music in the first place. Their initial intent was simply to let him explore an instrument for his own enjoyment, not to set him on a path to stardom.
Lisa’s instinct to ensure her son excelled at the trumpet, despite the financial burden, resonated with me. Years ago, my daughter, Ava, expressed a desire to take up gymnastics. We got her the leotards, the lessons, and the sparkly gear. As I drove her to practices and performances, I envisioned her as an Olympic champion. The irony is, I’ve never been a big fan of gymnastics. Yet, the moment Ava showed interest, I found myself wanting her to be the best.
Reality hit hard when, after a few months, it became a struggle to get her to practice. She was unhappy, and I realized I was forcing her into something she didn’t enjoy in hopes of a future where she’d make me proud. Like Lisa, I had to reflect on my motivations; it should have been about Ava discovering her passion, not chasing unattainable glory.
Parents often get caught in a competitive mindset, pushing their children to excel at everything while overlooking the more meaningful goal of nurturing them into kind, passionate individuals. In 2023, it seems many parents fear the idea of mediocrity. This phenomenon tends to be more common among middle- to upper-class families who can afford extracurricular activities and the associated expenses. I grew up with a single parent and didn’t have access to such opportunities.
My family is fortunate enough to allow my son to play soccer and my daughter to explore gymnastics. We enjoy these activities together without dedicating our lives to them. I work in a Division 1 athletics program and see firsthand how some students are driven to excel in all areas. However, I’ve also witnessed the emotional fallout when these driven individuals face failure.
In the past couple of years, two student athletes I knew sadly took their own lives—one after losing eligibility and the other after being cut from the team. They were bright and talented, yet they’d tied their self-worth to their sports, leaving them feeling hopeless when that was taken away. Both had so much potential and a life ahead of them, but they couldn’t see beyond their immediate struggles.
This narrative isn’t universal for all children pushed to achieve, but we must recognize the mental and emotional toll it can take. There’s nothing wrong with having an average child; being a B or C student is perfectly fine. Encouraging children to do their best is important, but relentless pressure to be the best can rob them of the joy of childhood.
Lisa concludes her article with a powerful reminder: “It’s not easy to resist the societal pressure to constantly push our kids. Our own parents didn’t enroll us in every conceivable activity; they were more concerned about our well-being than our achievements. We owe our successes to our intrinsic motivation rather than external coaching. It’s crucial to focus on building our children’s self-esteem, fostering a safe space for failure, and instilling values of kindness and honesty. Most importantly, we should embrace mediocrity.”
We need to teach our children that failure is a natural part of life. Our love for them isn’t contingent on their accomplishments; it’s tied to who they are as individuals. While Ava may never become a star gymnast, that’s perfectly okay. As long as she grows up to be a compassionate and self-sufficient person, I’ll be proud.
So, let’s ease the pressure on our children a bit. Let’s aim not to push them to be the best but to embrace their unique paths and celebrate their mediocrity.
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In summary, let’s prioritize our children’s emotional well-being over societal expectations by embracing mediocrity and supporting their individual journeys.