As I sat across from my therapist, a woman in her 30s with dark hair, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. I had been juggling life as a devoted husband and father of three young children while working two jobs. On my wife’s urging, I sought professional help to manage my stress. During one of our sessions, she suggested, “You really need a night off.”
I chuckled at her suggestion. Most parents of three kids under ten would likely do the same. Between juggling work commitments, sports practices, homework battles, and household chores, it seemed impossible to carve out even a few hours for ourselves.
Many parents find themselves in this exhausting cycle: waking up, diving into a whirlwind of responsibilities, and pouring every ounce of energy into their families and jobs. While this might be manageable for a short period, over time it becomes draining. This was precisely why I sought therapy in the first place.
“Why are you laughing?” my therapist asked, curious.
“Because it feels impossible,” I replied. “We’re just too busy!”
“Surely you and your spouse can find some time to take for yourselves,” she suggested. “Just a couple of hours each week. You need to schedule it as you do everything else in your life. It’s doable. Trust me.”
Though I was skeptical, I went home to discuss it with my wife, Sarah. Like me, she laughed at the idea of taking a night off. However, as we talked more, we started pinpointing small time slots during the week when we could each have a few hours to ourselves.
Sarah decided on Thursday evenings for a church activity once a month. The other nights were still a mystery to her. “It’s been ages since I’ve had free time. I’ll need to find a hobby,” she admitted.
This realization hit me hard. Many mothers often feel this way, and I felt guilty for not ensuring Sarah had time for herself before now. While she had moments of respite, they weren’t regular, and we had both become so immersed in parenting that we had forgotten how to enjoy our own time outside the home.
I enjoy cycling, so I claimed Sunday afternoons for my rides. Come winter, I wasn’t sure how I would spend that time, but I was determined to figure it out.
We established a few ground rules to ensure our free time was genuinely enjoyable and not consumed by household tasks. First, our activities had to take place outside the home. Second, we committed to not postponing our time off. If conflicts arose, like me working late on a Thursday or family visiting on a Sunday, we would simply reschedule to another day that week.
For nearly two months now, Sarah and I have been giving each other this much-needed time off. It has genuinely been a highlight of my week. I love my wife and adore my children, but I had forgotten the importance of loving myself.
Every Sunday after church, I head out for a cycling adventure while Sarah enjoys peace and quiet with the kids. I’ve noticed a marked improvement in my mood both at home and at work. And when stress creeps in, I think of those Sunday rides and instantly feel more optimistic.
Sarah has also embraced her time off, joining a monthly book club and contemplating a fitness class at the local pool. Sometimes, she sneaks away to a quiet spot to read, returning refreshed just after I’ve settled the kids in for the night.
I know many of you reading this may scoff at the idea of carving out personal time, just as I did when my therapist made the suggestion. But it took Sarah and me making a conscious effort to schedule our free time instead of hoping it would magically appear. By prioritizing our individual well-being, we’ve found that we are happier and less stressed, which ultimately strengthens our relationship.
If you can sit down with your partner and carve out two small blocks of time each week, I wholeheartedly recommend it. If it feels impossible, I understand your struggle. However, if you truly prioritize this, you’ll soon discover that time alone makes you both more fulfilled and connected. In the end, it’s all about finding a balance and giving each other the gift of self-care.
For additional insights on the journey of parenthood and self-care, check out resources like Genetics and IVF Institute and Heartbeats. If you’re interested in home insemination kits, you can learn more about those at Make a Mom.
Summary
Prioritizing self-care by scheduling personal time can greatly enhance both individual well-being and the strength of a relationship. By establishing a routine that allows each partner to enjoy their interests, couples can find balance in the chaos of parenting.