It was day nine of our family trip to the Midwest, and I found myself sitting on the floor of my grandma’s independent living apartment. We were in the midst of a card game, with my mom and one of my daughters joining in. My other daughter, however, was sulking on the couch after a minor disaster involving a toppled domino tower.
Since we only see my grandma once a year, I wanted to ensure that our time together was free from the usual meltdowns that can happen when traveling with kids. But as luck would have it, my card-playing daughter was starting to feel the pressure. I have a knack for winning unexpectedly, and while I wasn’t trying to be overly competitive, I had just won three games in a row. Her frustration was palpable, and soon she began to throw some rather unkind words my way.
Determined to avoid further embarrassment, I calmly suggested we take a break outside. I was mortified by her behavior; she was too old for such a tantrum, and clearly, I had failed in teaching her good sportsmanship.
Once we stepped onto the patio, she broke down in tears. “I know exactly what you’re going to say!” she cried, listing the very criticisms I was about to voice. I allowed her a moment to let it all out while I gathered my thoughts.
In a gentle tone, I affirmed her feelings, acknowledging that losing can be disappointing. I made it clear, however, that her rude behavior was unacceptable. Just then, the door swung open, and my grandma joined us.
She sat down beside my daughter, who was still struggling to catch her breath through her sobs. “You know, the tough thing about games is that they don’t always go our way,” she began, recognizing the weariness that comes with travel. Then, she delivered the most profound message of the day: “We all love you.”
My daughter’s tears flowed even more freely. My grandma then asked, “Would it help if you heard that from your mom too?”
In that moment, instead of feeling defensive, I recognized how much I needed that nudge. “I do love you, sweetheart. Nothing you say or do can change that,” I assured her. We embraced, and after a few more tears, we returned to our game, salvaging the evening together.
While I don’t condone disrespectful behavior, I learned that sometimes compassion takes precedence over discipline. My grandma, with her lifetime of wisdom, reminded me that children—like all of us—are imperfect beings who experience disappointment and frustration. They deserve kindness, even when they show their less-than-stellar sides.
The following day, while navigating my own emotional meltdown at the airport, I was grateful for the compassion of a fellow traveler who offered me understanding rather than judgment. It’s crucial to hold children accountable, but they also need our empathy when they are struggling. Thanks to my 95-year-old grandma, I chose to respond to my daughter with love instead of a lecture that day.
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In summary, my grandma’s lesson in compassion during a moment of crisis reminded me of the importance of love and understanding in parenting, even when faced with challenging behaviors.