A couple of years back, after picking up my son Max from a friend’s house, I was taken aback when he burst into tears the moment he got in the car. “What’s the matter?” I asked, concerned. “Nothing,” he replied between sobs. “Seriously, what happened?” I pressed. “He… he said I throw like a girl,” he cried. My heart sank. “What’s wrong with that?” I countered, but my words did little to soothe his distress. That moment marked the beginning of my journey to challenge our society’s damaging perceptions of boyhood and masculinity.
My awareness of gender-based biases began almost immediately after Max was born, and it only intensified as he grew. There was no denying that he was distinct from many of the little girls we encountered. While they sat quietly during circle time, he was off exploring the gym, climbing and playing with a zest that was unmistakably “all boy.” But what does that mean, really?
The expectations we impose on boys regarding masculinity—the double standards and stereotypes—have caused me considerable concern. Why do we teach little boys, who are just as sensitive as girls, to stifle their tears? Why do we expect them to sit still and label them as “out of control” when they simply need to move? Why are comparisons to girls used as insults? Phrases like “man up” only deepen the confusion.
On the recommendation of my editor, I recently watched the documentary The Mask You Live In, produced by Jennifer Siebel Newsom in 2015. As a mother of two incredibly sensitive sons, the exploration of masculinity and what it means to be a man in today’s world is vital to me. How do I nurture my boys to become kind, emotionally intelligent men? How can I encourage them to be true to themselves rather than conform to societal expectations? How do I teach them to express their feelings in a healthy manner without suppressing those emotions?
If you haven’t seen this documentary yet, make it a priority on Netflix. Whether you are a parent to boys or simply interact with men and boys in your life—be it a nephew, a teenager, or your partner—this film will shift your perspective. Be prepared; it’s an emotional rollercoaster. I found myself crying throughout the 90-minute runtime, and the thoughts it sparked lingered for days.
As the film reveals, The Mask You Live In follows boys and young men as they grapple with living authentically within America’s rigid definitions of masculinity. Featuring interviews with parents, boys, educators, and even men from the prison system, the documentary sheds light on the damage inflicted by harmful societal constructs surrounding masculinity and manhood.
While I can’t encapsulate the entire film in a few paragraphs, it effectively dissects how we teach boys that to be a man means rejecting anything deemed feminine—such as sensitivity, emotions, and connection—traits that are fundamentally human. By discouraging our sons from embracing these qualities, we rob them of essential aspects of their identity, perpetuating a culture that can lead to issues such as sexism and violence.
Despite receiving some lukewarm critiques for its surface-level exploration of complex issues, The Mask You Live In sparks a much-needed conversation. In a world grappling with violence, mass shootings, and sexual assault, we must take responsibility for how we either perpetuate or challenge unhealthy hypermasculinity. Our sons—and we—deserve better.
When my young son attended a summer camp as a preschooler, he received the “Most Compassionate” award. I was immensely proud, and that award still graces our fridge four years later. Shouldn’t we celebrate our sons for their empathy and kindness instead of solely for athletic achievements? Shouldn’t we encourage them to be fair and understanding rather than angry and aggressive?
Boys grow into men, and while it may seem instantaneous, it’s a gradual process that requires time and guidance. Those innocent little boys who once clutched their blankets will evolve into adult men with their own lives and families. It’s our role to help them embrace their authentic selves. We can either continue to tell them to “man up” or encourage them to “be you” as we support them along the way.
For more insights on parenting and self-insemination, check out our post on the At Home Insemination Kit. And for authoritative information on dental care for children, visit Intracervical Insemination. If you’re seeking resources for pregnancy and home insemination, the NHS provides excellent information.
In summary, The Mask You Live In is a thought-provoking documentary that challenges our ingrained beliefs about masculinity and encourages a healthier, more compassionate perspective on raising boys.