“Oops, my bad!” I exclaim to an unsuspecting shopper who just collided with me in the grocery aisle.
“Excuse me for bothering you, but…” I write in a message to someone I genuinely need to connect with.
“Oh, my apologies,” I’ve muttered to servers when they delivered the wrong dish.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell my kids when breakfast isn’t ready fast enough for their impatient little faces.
“Pardon me for interrupting,” I timidly say to the attendant at the gas station, who seems to be oblivious to my presence.
With every “sorry,” it feels like I’m conveying, “I’m deeply regretful for even existing.” It’s as if I’m apologizing for not having superhuman abilities, for requiring others to do their jobs, for being a woman, for sending that message, for simply occupying the space where someone else wanted to be. For just breathing.
Why Do I Do This?
Well, studies suggest that women tend to apologize more frequently, and it’s a real bummer. Research indicates that we often have a lower threshold for what merits an apology, leading us to say sorry for everyday occurrences. Women also tend to be more empathetic, often putting ourselves in others’ shoes, making us less likely to ask directly for what we need. Thus, we end up using “sorry” as a catch-all expression, encapsulating all those submissive and empathetic feelings into one tiny, frustrating word.
A few years ago, there was a notable Pantene commercial that highlighted this very issue. It depicted women apologizing in various scenarios—watching it made me cringe because I recognized myself in those moments. Then the commercial flipped the script, showing these women confidently expressing their needs without prefacing with an apology. They didn’t come across as rude; they simply appeared to have a healthy understanding of their place in the world. It was both empowering and unsettling to see.
Breaking the Cycle
Recently, my partner and I noticed our son, Alex, was apologizing for things that didn’t warrant it—like when he was just standing in the kitchen or when his sister was acting out. He’d say it almost as a reflex, with his head down, eager to fade into the floor, which drove us nuts.
To tackle this, we established a family rule: no one can utter “sorry” without a valid reason. It’s reserved for moments when someone has genuinely messed up, rather than as a filler in conversation. The person receiving the apology then acknowledges it with a simple, “Thank you.”
This approach has been surprisingly effective, mainly because our daughter, Mia, is a little tyrant about the rules. She’s not an over-apologizer like her brother and me, so this makes our apologies more meaningful—something we don’t throw around just to move past a moment or get what we need. It also enhances the value of an apology, ensuring it’s reserved for when it is truly deserved.
I’ve been consciously working on reducing my habit of apologizing in public as well—removing “sorry” from my emails, biting my tongue when someone bumps into me, and directly asking the waiter for the right meal without the guilt-induced apologies. It’s challenging and feels unnatural, but I’m determined to jump off the apology train along with my kids.
No More Unnecessary Sorries
If you want to learn more about enhancing your family journey, check out our guide on boosting fertility supplements at Make a Mom for insightful tips. For those interested in hair care after pregnancy, Intracervical Insemination offers expert advice on that topic too. And don’t forget to visit ACOG for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, it’s time to reclaim our voices and stop apologizing for simply existing or taking up space. By setting boundaries around our apologies, we can communicate more effectively and confidently, both for ourselves and for our children. Let’s embrace our worth and say what we mean without the needless guilt.