While at the beach with my son, Liam, I observed him struggling to balance his desire to behave well against his frustration. He decided to approach a boy his age and the boy’s family. “Could you please stop making those siren sounds? They really bother me,” I heard him call out from the sand.
Liam, who is on the autism spectrum, proudly returned to me to share his brave moment. He also mentioned that the boy had hit his inflatable inner tube after Liam asked him to stop the noises. I felt a surge of disbelief when I noticed that no one spoke up about this boy’s actions, especially when I heard the grandmother exclaim, “What was that all about?”
I found it hard to comprehend why it was so perplexing for a child to ask another child to cease a noise that was unsettling to him. Once Liam was out of earshot, I felt the need to clarify things for the family. They noticed me approaching, and I could see them tense up. I typically avoid confrontations, especially in front of Liam, as I never want him to think of his autism as a crutch. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to explain autism in hopes of fostering awareness and acceptance.
Two days prior, I had an engaging conversation with another mom of an autistic child who rarely ventures out due to the harsh judgments they face. I encouraged her to step out with a group of moms and children to help raise autism awareness. Inspired by her situation, I approached the family at the beach with unexpected calmness.
“My son has autism, and certain sounds really distress him,” I started. Before I could elaborate, someone from the family interrupted, “He has autism too.” They introduced me to a boy named Ethan, who was mostly nonverbal and enjoyed making those sounds.
His mom and I exchanged a high-five, a gesture of solidarity among parents who share the challenges of raising children who don’t fit the conventional mold. In that moment, amidst all the families enjoying the beach, we understood each other in a way that others could not.
We briefly shared details about our kids as if we were discussing sports statistics—verbal versus nonverbal, sensory sensitivities, and milestones. She remarked that she could tell something was up with Liam when he approached them, even if the grandmother didn’t notice. I revealed that Liam’s ability to advocate for himself was a significant breakthrough.
Yet, as autism moms, we don’t have the luxury of long conversations when our kids are around. Our exchange was brief, interrupted by Liam needing my attention. I made sure to explain to him that Ethan also has autism and that his sounds are expressions of joy or comfort. I let him know that perhaps Ethan hit his inner tube out of frustration when someone told him to stop doing something he loved.
Liam seemed to take comfort in meeting another child on the spectrum. When we returned home, he repeatedly declared, “Autism is awesome!” and “I love autism and special needs!”
I never anticipated the day would unfold this way. I was ready to confront a family, but instead, I found a kindred spirit. While Liam embraces his autism, I cherish its visibility, as it fosters understanding in a world that can often be harsh.
Thank you for your understanding, Ethan’s mom. I hope that if someone approaches you about Ethan’s sounds in the future, your experience is as positive as ours was today.
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In summary, finding community among fellow autism moms can bring comfort and understanding. Our shared experiences help us navigate the challenges of raising children on the spectrum, creating a supportive network that can make a world of difference.