I’m in a committed relationship, and let me tell you, it comes with its own set of revelations. First off, I’ve learned that some clichés hold true—like how leaving the toilet seat up is an absolute no-no. Apparently, my partner’s anatomy doesn’t come equipped to handle such hazards with grace, so I’ve become vigilant about preventing any unfortunate falls.
Secondly, my living space has transformed into a fragrant oasis. If I were a 40-year-old bachelor, I can assure you that my home would smell like a mix of stale pizza and cheap cologne. Instead, we have enough candles to rival a holiday store. Walking into our house, you’re greeted by scents of cinnamon, a pseudo-ocean fragrance (which, let’s be honest, is far from the real thing), and sandalwood. I can’t even begin to explain what verbena or jojoba is, but they sure beat the remnants of pizza and beer that would otherwise permeate my abode.
Thirdly, if it has anything to do with buying, flipping, or renovating homes, I’ve probably seen it all. Not by choice, mind you—my partner has a penchant for these shows. While I’d much rather indulge in MSNBC or binge-watch Family Guy, I’ve learned that the price I pay for my viewing preferences is the occasional forced engagement with tiny houses and overly chipper couples from Waco.
So, instead of diving into a classic novel or volunteering at a soup kitchen, I find myself critiquing HGTV’s programming. After a hearty sip from my oversized coffee cup filled with peppermint schnapps, I press on, because the best comedy often arises from the absurd.
1. Hardwood Floors Under Every Carpet
Every episode features someone yanking up an old carpet, only to reveal pristine hardwood floors. This is a myth! Let’s be real: if the original homeowners had gorgeous wooden floors, they wouldn’t have covered them up with shag. I’d like to see them lift a carpet only to uncover dirt or an actual hole in the ground—“Congrats, you’ve just purchased a yurt!”
2. The Myth of the Social Butterfly
Every couple claims to love entertaining. In reality, I’m more of a stay-at-home-in-my-pajamas kind of person. Sure, my partner enjoys hosting friends, but I’d be content munching on hot Cheetos while binge-watching the news. But it’s a compromise—I wear pants, and there are guests at least a few times a year.
3. Shoe Closet Stereotypes
Why is every woman portrayed as a shoe fanatic? Just because someone has two X chromosomes doesn’t mean they need a dedicated room for footwear. It’s about time we move past these stereotypes.
4. The Mythical Man Cave
Every show insists on designating a “man cave” for the guys. Newsflash: I’d rather call my entire house that, especially since my partner enjoys football and beer as much as I do.
5. Women in Charge
This trope is everywhere. While it’s great to uplift women, portraying men as bumbling fools isn’t the way to do it. It’s a dated narrative that undermines true equality in relationships.
6. Unrealistic Budgets
I’ve seen the meme: a couple in their twenties claiming a budget of $1.7 million. Seriously? This is utterly unrealistic and frustrating to watch.
7. Tiny House Buyers Wanting More Space
If you’re buying a “tiny” house, why wish for more square footage? It’s a contradiction, much like someone seeking suburban living but wanting to be closer to the city.
8. Waco: The Ideal Paradise?
According to the stars of these shows, Waco is a dreamland. I’ve been there, and honestly, it felt more like an uncomfortable medical procedure. The charm is overrated, and the lack of diversity is glaring.
You might wonder why I know so much about these shows if I claim to dislike them. It’s a bit like Stockholm syndrome—I’m forced to watch and have started to identify with the absurdity. I roll my eyes when I’m stuck watching, yet I find myself critiquing the décor choices.
For more on topics like this, check out our post on the Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit and learn about the importance of playtime for relationships from Intracervical Insemination. Additionally, if you’re interested in pregnancy resources, the Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is a great place to start.
Summary
In this humorous critique, Jamie Thompson shares eight things that frustrate him about HGTV programming. From unrealistic portrayals of home renovations to stereotypes about women and money, the piece highlights the absurdity of reality TV home shows while reflecting on the dynamics of modern relationships.