As soon as my daughter entered the world, a thoughtful friend invited me over for coffee and some adult conversation. I hesitated, contemplating the monumental task of wrangling my newborn and 3-year-old, but she urged, “Just bring them along! My kids are older, and I can handle any mess. You really need to get out!” So, I hastily slipped into my least wrinkled shirt and headed over, where my son promptly turned her living room into a play zone while we chatted over steaming cups of coffee.
As I was leaving, I expressed my gratitude, and she warmly replied, “Motherhood is tough! I totally get it. You’re welcome here anytime.” Those mornings spent at her kitchen table left a lasting impression on me, especially her invaluable advice that often quelled the anxiety that came with managing two small children.
She suggested that I tidy up in the morning, pack the kids, and head to a friend’s house—preferably one with older kids. “Remember, toddlers can’t wreak havoc where they aren’t,” she chuckled. She was right. We developed a routine of morning excursions, returning home just in time for naptime. The fresh air and social interaction were essential, and my kids always napped better after a busy morning.
Her simple act of kindness—creating a space where I could truly relax without fretting about every little mess—helped me survive those exhausting months of nursing and sleep deprivation. My friend was the kind of mom who understood the struggle of keeping afloat while feeling overwhelmed after becoming a parent. She prioritized her friend’s well-being over the potential chaos a toddler might bring.
Now that my kids are no longer babies, I’ve adopted the same open-door policy for friends with little ones. I remember the days of feeling so drained that lifting my arms felt like a workout. I recall those moments in picture-perfect homes, hoping my toddler wouldn’t touch anything. I can still feel the weight of judgment from other moms as my child threw a tantrum while I anxiously awaited my coffee.
To all the parents currently in the trenches: know that my kitchen table has a spot for you—and yes, there’s hot coffee. Or wine, if that’s more your style. I don’t care if you show up wearing your shirt inside out or if you need to breastfeed right there at the table. You won’t be the first, and certainly not the last, to do so. Free the nipple, mama! You can even come over and nap with your baby if you need a break. I’d be more than happy to rock your little one while you catch some Z’s.
It’s all too easy to forget just how challenging those early years were, how much you managed while juggling diapers, potty training, and meltdowns. It’s also easy to cast judgment when you’re on the other side of that tunnel, surrounded by more independent teenagers.
Some may even have the audacity to declare, “Sorry, but kids aren’t welcome in my house,” as if the presence of children were a personal affront to their pristine living space. While it’s their home and their rules, has society really reached a point where friends with children are seen as a nuisance? Frankly, I wouldn’t have wanted to visit that friend’s house when my kids were little because it sounds stressful. I’m grateful for the friends who welcomed my kids, enjoyed their energy, and didn’t fret over a few scattered toys.
So, to all the parents seeking camaraderie, come join me! We’ll share coffee (or cake) while our kids create joyful chaos.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood is tough, but it becomes a little easier with supportive friends. Remember to lean on one another and create spaces where you can feel at ease, mess and all.