One year ago, I made a life-altering decision: I sought treatment for my alcoholism. After nine grueling weeks away from my family, friends, and job, I took the necessary steps to combat a disease that was rapidly spiraling out of control. Today, I find myself living a life I once thought was unattainable—a life I believed I didn’t deserve. If you’re grappling with similar challenges, here are some insights I’ve gathered that may inspire you.
1. Addiction is a legitimate disease.
Addiction impacts the body, mind, and spirit. Genetics play a significant role—many people with alcohol use disorder come from families where drinking was prevalent. Just as with conditions like breast cancer or heart disease, addiction can be hereditary. A doctor once likened the progression of addiction to a cucumber being turned into a pickle: once you cross that line, it’s nearly impossible to go back. I went from being a social drinker to a solitary alcoholic, hiding away in my room, and it took a heavy toll on my mental health. I felt trapped in a cycle I couldn’t break, and the self-loathing was unbearable.
2. Emotions are not fatal.
When my partner threatened to leave if I didn’t seek help, fear propelled me into recovery meetings. I found solace in sharing my struggles with familiar strangers in church basements. Through these interactions, I unearthed a flood of emotions—fear, shame, sadness, anxiety, and anger. It’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed by these feelings. Voicing your darkest fears can diminish their hold over you, similar to how a child finds relief in sharing nightmares. Finding someone who can say “me too” is incredibly liberating.
3. You may shed some pounds.
You’d be surprised at the hefty caloric intake from alcohol. Cutting out roughly 2,000 calories a day has positively impacted my health, leading to a nearly 40-pound weight loss this past year. My physical transformation has restored my confidence and vitality, aligning my exterior with how I feel inside.
4. You will mourn the absence of alcohol.
As I began to suspect my drinking was problematic, I turned to literature about addiction. One book that resonated deeply with me was Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp. There’s a saying in recovery circles: attend enough meetings, and you’ll hear your story. This book felt like a reflection of my struggles. Find a book that resonates with you, read it, and allow yourself to grieve the loss of alcohol.
5. You’ll start sober for others, but stay for yourself.
I was well aware of my drinking problem but wasn’t ready to quit until loved ones urged me to seek help. Today, I feel a profound sense of self-worth and gratitude for a second chance. I’ve learned the importance of forgiveness—both for others and myself. However, just because I stopped drinking doesn’t mean life became easy overnight. It requires daily effort, as if my life depends on it—and it does.
6. Your relationships will evolve.
As my self-perception transformed, so did my connections with others. I’m now more present for my children than ever before, and my bond with my mother has deepened. However, not all relationships have thrived; some have withered. It’s essential to forgive yourself and those around you as you move forward.
Every morning, I reach out to my understanding of a higher power (which, amusingly, resembles Moby) for strength to avoid drinking. Each night, I express gratitude for the clarity and honesty I’ve gained. Then I drift off to sleep.
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Summary:
Seeking treatment for alcoholism is a transformative journey filled with both challenges and revelations. Recognizing addiction as a disease, confronting emotions, experiencing physical changes, mourning the loss of alcohol, evolving relationships, and understanding that the journey is both for others and oneself are crucial steps in recovery. With daily commitment and a supportive community, it’s possible to find healing and self-acceptance.