With summer finally upon us, I can list countless reasons to celebrate: no homework, lazy mornings, and the end of lunch packing dilemmas. Most importantly, I’m thrilled that my daughter’s soccer season has wrapped up, at least for a few months.
When a child is committed to a team sport, it demands a significant time investment from the entire family. We spend hours commuting to practices and games, volunteering, and cheering from the sidelines. I genuinely enjoy watching my daughter play, and as long as she’s happy, I’ll keep supporting her every step of the way.
Managing Anxiety in Team Sports
However, one challenge we face is managing the anxiety that comes with team sports. In the days leading up to a game, my daughter’s nerves start to swell. She worries about being assigned to play goalie, a position she finds daunting due to its heavy responsibilities. If a goal gets scored against her, she feels she’s letting the team down. Conversely, if she plays forward, she’s anxious about her teammates’ reactions—what if they don’t pass the ball back or make the right moves? This 12-year-old’s mind is constantly racing, fixating on potential missteps and her role in the game.
The anxiety doesn’t just vanish once she steps on the field; it lingers, sometimes transforming into a burst of energy that compels her to sprint toward the goal. Yet, it can also overshadow her enjoyment, leaving her frowning even during victories. This isn’t a case of poor sportsmanship; she’s a fantastic team player, always ready to assist and uplift her teammates. The core issue, however, is her anxiety.
My daughter tends to feel anxious in new situations and prefers to have detailed information about upcoming events. When we travel, she’s the one checking flight numbers and reminding us when it’s time to leave for the airport. Her nerves manifest physically—she fidgets and taps her foot. What we initially thought was curiosity has become a clear sign of anxiety, prompting us to adjust our approach. For soccer, we start preparing the night before, giving her ample time to get ready, adjust her gear, and even practice deep breathing together. Whenever we ask if she wants to keep playing, her answer is always “yes.”
Support and Reflection
Over the seasons, we’ve supported her through the highs and lows, emphasizing the importance of confronting fears and working as part of a team. We’ve watched from the sidelines, giving her thumbs-ups even when she’s visibly worried after a tough play. We believe that learning to manage her nerves is valuable.
Yet, after six seasons, I find myself questioning this approach. Certainly, there are benefits to being part of a team—boosting self-esteem, improving fitness, developing communication skills, and learning about teamwork and commitment. My daughter has acquired numerous skills and formed lasting friendships, embracing the sense of belonging that comes with teamwork. These lessons are invaluable, and I appreciate the opportunities she’s had.
But it’s crucial to recognize that team sports aren’t suited for every child. A poll by the National Alliance for Youth Sports indicates that around 70% of kids walk away from sports by age 13 because it stops being enjoyable. Watching my daughter grapple with anxiety, I can see how the pressure of team dynamics can overshadow the joy of play.
Not every child will thrive in a team environment, and that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t imply entitlement or a refusal to cooperate. For children like my daughter, who grapples with baseline anxiety daily, the competitive nature of team sports can amplify their worries, complicating simple enjoyment.
A New Direction
With soccer season behind us, my daughter appears much more relaxed. This summer, she won’t be joining a team; instead, she’s headed to sleepaway camp to engage in individual sports like tennis and swimming—activities that carry less pressure. I hope she discovers joy and challenge in these pursuits without the accompanying anxiety.
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In summary, while team sports offer valuable experiences, they may not be the right fit for every child, especially those who struggle with anxiety. Finding the right activity that fosters happiness and personal growth is paramount.