Almost every girl hears the advice to “be nice” during her formative years. This mantra, often accompanied by phrases like “smile” or “don’t be bossy,” plants early seeds of conformity. The underlying message is clear: avoid trouble, stay agreeable, and don’t rock the boat.
From a young age, girls are conditioned to prioritize the needs of others, often at the expense of their own desires and aspirations. This habit can lead to significant challenges throughout a woman’s life — in academics, career paths, and personal relationships. For instance, in a classroom project, a girl may take on the bulk of the work to keep peace among her classmates, hesitating to ask others to contribute their fair share.
In the professional arena, a reluctance to advocate for oneself can result in missed opportunities. Women may shy away from negotiating for raises or promotions, fearing they will come across as aggressive or ungrateful. This tendency to avoid confrontation often leads to settling for less than what they deserve.
When it comes to relationships, the same conditioning can lead women to accept partners who do not treat them as equals. The pressure to conform to societal expectations can make them feel that their own needs, ambitions, and passions should take a back seat.
Moreover, raising girls to be people pleasers can have repercussions for their future children, particularly when they become mothers. The burden of advocating for their children often falls primarily on mothers, who may feel ill-equipped to navigate the school system or healthcare challenges due to their ingrained desire to avoid conflict. For example, a mother who has been socialized to comply might struggle to push for necessary accommodations for a child with special needs, potentially adding stress to already challenging situations.
Consider the scenario of a mother repeatedly visiting a pediatrician with a frequently ill child. If she has been taught not to argue, she might hesitate to insist on further investigations when her concerns are dismissed. Or think about a mother meeting new parents for her child’s playdate; she may ponder how to ask about safety issues without sounding rude, ultimately choosing to overlook her instincts.
Instead of raising girls to be doormats, we can instill values of empathy, compromise, and assertiveness. Strong girls can learn to view conflict as a natural part of life to be managed with civility. By nurturing confident and resilient daughters, we create a lineage of assertive women who can advocate effectively for themselves and their children.
Regardless of their future family plans, empowering girls with confidence, strength, and compassion should be our goal. Ultimately, we want to equip them with the skills and knowledge to lead fulfilling lives. Independent thinkers, who are sometimes seen as difficult or disruptive, contribute positively to society. Their courage to challenge the status quo is what drives progress.
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In summary, nurturing strong, independent girls prepares them to be assertive mothers and advocates, ensuring their children thrive in an environment that values their needs and voices.