As a single mother, I have been navigating this journey for nearly all of my son’s life. He’s my constant companion, and we share countless adventures together. While it’s not unusual for people to stop us with questions—many of which are innocent and welcomed—I draw the line at inquiries about my son’s father.
To the random guy on the street: please refrain from asking about my son’s dad. Why? Because it’s simply not your concern.
At first, I would deflect these prying questions, suggesting that his father and I were still together to bring the conversation to a swift close. This wasn’t entirely untrue; we had a long-distance relationship, but that’s information for friends, not strangers.
More often than not, these intrusive questions come from men who seem more interested in gauging my relationship status than genuinely caring about my son. Here’s why that’s an issue: if your only hesitation in approaching me—a complete stranger with a toddler—is my relationship status, then perhaps you need to reconsider your approach. It’s not appropriate to hit on someone simply because you think they might be available.
His father plays a role in our lives, albeit not a romantic one, and even if he didn’t, why would I want an unfamiliar man attempting to fill that void? This type of thinking feels predatory and frankly, uncomfortable.
I recall a particularly striking incident during a late-night Uber ride home from a babysitting job. The driver, an older man, casually inquired about my evening, leading to the inevitable question: “Where’s his daddy?” I was taken aback. “It’s just me and him,” I replied. His follow-up was even more bewildering: “So, who takes care of you?”
I wanted to retort, “Excuse me, sir, but why is it your business who supports my family?” What if my son’s dad was abusive or otherwise harmful? What would he have said then? And really, what difference does it make?
I wish I could say this was a one-time occurrence, but it’s not. I’ve had similar conversations with multiple rideshare drivers. After that initial incident, I learned to say, “He’s in California,” when asked about my son’s father, but even that doesn’t quell their curiosity.
The reality is, just because my son’s dad isn’t physically present every day doesn’t mean they lack a relationship. As a single mother, I find myself fabricating my relationship status more than I did when I was simply single. Often, I wonder if these men would even ask if I wore a ring. Most likely, they wouldn’t care about my son’s father’s involvement; they just want to see if I’m available. It’s dehumanizing.
Having a child with someone and not being together doesn’t diminish my worth as a person. I’m a mother doing my best to raise my child independently. Single moms already face numerous challenges; we shouldn’t have to deal with the unwanted attention of random men. So, if you feel inclined to ask where a mom’s partner is, think twice. If she wants to share, it will be on her terms, not yours.
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In summary, being a single mother is challenging enough without the added scrutiny from strangers. My son’s father is part of our lives, but the specifics are private. Let’s respect each other’s boundaries and focus on what truly matters: our children.