Like many children, the news of my parents’ divorce hit me hard. At just 5 years old, I struggled to find any silver lining in this upheaval. Change was daunting, and I wasn’t a fan. However, as the years rolled on, I began to recognize the benefits of my parents being happier apart. Divorce, it turned out, was a blessing in disguise. Cheers to that!
Once the dust settled post-separation, I discovered something wonderful to be grateful for, thanks to my trusty sidekick—divorce: two Christmases! Had my parents framed their breakup around this perk, I might have taken the news like a champ. What kid wouldn’t love the idea of double the holiday cheer? Two Christmases, two birthdays, two Easters—the list goes on. At 5, I reveled in the fact that both parents were eager to shower me with gifts and affection, trying to win my favor. Spoiled? Absolutely. But hey, who wasn’t a little brat at that age?
As I matured, the thrill of double celebrations faded. Toys lost their appeal, and I became a little less insufferable. Now that I have kids of my own, the concept of two Christmases has transformed into a logistical headache. Every holiday, birthday, and milestone becomes a complicated affair, especially since I’m not the only one juggling parental obligations—my husband’s family adds to the mix. After our firstborn’s first year, we decided to alternate which family we celebrated with for certain holidays. That experience taught us just how exhausting it is to transport a newborn around for gatherings with different grandparents.
Now, with my children being 2 and 4, the challenges continue to multiply. During family weddings where both my parents are present, I feel the pressure to balance my time between them. They may not be keeping score, but I sure am, ensuring I spread my love evenly. My kids enjoy these events since they get double the cake, but I’m left scrambling to keep the peace.
My dad lives out of state, which complicates matters further. My mom often spends more time with my kids, nurturing a closer relationship. They frequently ask to call or video chat with her, and she often visits for sleepovers. When my dad does come to town, it’s essential to prioritize his visits. However, if they coincide with special occasions like my daughter’s recent 2nd birthday, I find myself navigating a tricky situation. To avoid leaving anyone feeling excluded, I plan small celebrations and limit social media posts to keep things fair.
Instead of grand parties, we often end up having multiple small gatherings, which can stretch on for weeks. Everyone feels included, and no grandparent feels sidelined. Yet, it’s exhausting. Sometimes I fantasize about keeping things super small and just celebrating with my immediate family to avoid the awkwardness of having both parents in the same room. The tension in those rare instances is palpable, but it’s a burden I carry alone. My parents have never created that awkwardness, yet it’s there.
Ultimately, the effort to ensure no one feels left out can lead to the unintended consequence of excluding them both. They miss out, my kids miss out, and I miss out on the joy of simple celebrations. You’d think that once you’re an adult, the complexities of divorce would ease, but they seem to multiply, especially now that I’m a parent myself. At least my therapist will never be short on work.
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In summary, while my parents’ divorce initially seemed challenging, I’ve come to appreciate the complexities of navigating holidays and family gatherings as an adult. The effort to balance relationships can be exhausting but is ultimately for the benefit of my children.