A few months into the school year, my daughter came home with her first significant math test, and her news left me stunned. “I completely bombed it,” she said, showing me a paper marked with bright red ink. Her teacher was concerned, and the results were grim. She had always excelled in math, and my mind, being the overactive one it is, leaped to conclusions.
Surely, she must have been distracted during lessons or perhaps too much screen time had dulled her focus. I feared she was losing interest in school, and thus began my spiral into panic. I imagined her as a future juvenile delinquent, living in my basement forever.
After a brief moment of this catastrophic thinking, I decided to pause and refrain from reacting immediately. This failure was a crucial learning opportunity, and I needed to approach it wisely. So, I suggested, “Let’s talk to your dad and come up with a plan.” Admittedly, I was avoiding the confrontation.
After discussing it with her dad, we both agreed that instead of turning this setback into a huge negative, we should celebrate it. What if we threw a mini-celebration for her big flop? Would she see failure as something to be feared, or could it become a fun experience? What if other parents judged us for being too lenient?
Despite our doubts, we went ahead with our plan. That evening, we prepared her favorite meal, got a cake, and hung the test on the fridge as a trophy of sorts. We sang an off-key rendition of “Happy Failure To You,” giving her high-fives and cheering her for her valiant effort. She was bewildered, but I think she realized we were serious.
In that moment, we wanted her to understand that failing is a part of life. It isn’t the end of the world, and it doesn’t define her worth. If she learns to embrace failure now, she’ll grow up knowing it’s just a stepping stone to success. We wanted her to recognize that her parents are there to support her through the ups and downs—she can fail without losing our love.
This experience was a hit. I’m not sure whether our goofy celebration made her want to avoid failure or if she genuinely found value in our approach. Regardless, she didn’t return home with another failing grade. Had we opted for punishment, I believe it would have led to shame and resentment rather than growth.
We all stumble in different ways—it’s a part of being human. If I can help my children understand that failure is acceptable, then perhaps they’ll have a healthier view of life, reducing the chances of needing therapy for such fears. There’s plenty of other material to discuss, I’m sure!
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In summary, embracing our children’s failures can teach them resilience and the importance of trying again. It’s okay to fail, and it’s vital to show them that they are loved regardless of their mistakes.