Recently, I found myself immersed in a conversation online about “minimalist parenting.” I anticipated a discussion centered on instilling gratitude in our children, combating the overwhelming consumer culture they face even before birth, or simply maintaining a more organized household. Indeed, there were numerous suggestions on rotating toys, buying second-hand clothing, and encouraging relatives to contribute to experience gifts rather than adding to the mountain of plastic toys.
However, I soon detected a troubling air of superiority as participants began sharing their ideas on what baby items are truly essential.
- “A diaper pail? Not necessary.” True, the refills can be pricey, and a regular trash can suffices.
- “A changing table? Absolutely unnecessary! Diapers can be changed anywhere—floor, bed, or even in the car.” Okay, but what works for some may not suit everyone.
- “New clothing? Why waste money when babies grow so fast and tend to make a mess?” Fair point, but let’s be real—sometimes you just need to buy new clothes.
- “A crib? We co-slept and it worked wonders for us.” That didn’t pan out for us; our baby slept much better in his own room after six weeks.
- “You don’t even need a stroller! Just wear your baby everywhere.” Ouch, my back wouldn’t agree. Our child prefers not being carried around too much.
- “Playpens, swings, Bumbo seats? Total waste! The parenting industry wants you to think you need these ‘containers.’ You should hold your child all day for secure attachment.” Okay, but when do I shower or eat?
- “Commercial baby food? Just grow your own and blend it, or let your 8-month-old eat beef jerky like we did!” I tried making my own baby food; my child chose store-bought every time.
- “Breasts are all you need!” Really? That’s a bit misleading.
- “Diapers? Even cloth ones are environmentally taxing. Use corn husks and start elimination communication from day one.” (Alright, that last one is a bit of a stretch.)
This perspective originated from a parenting group that aimed to provide an escape from the judgmental attitudes often found in more traditional circles. Yet, it was disconcerting to witness such judgment and assumptions within a space designed for support. When did minimalism and anti-consumerism become markers of status? Isn’t that fundamentally missing the point?
Let’s be clear:
- If you need to use a swing to help your baby sleep or to grab a moment for yourself, that’s perfectly acceptable.
- If breastfeeding isn’t for you or you’re exhausted from pumping, using formula is absolutely fine.
- If you need your baby to learn to self-soothe so you can reclaim your nights, that’s okay too.
- If a small toy keeps your child calm during an errand, go for it.
- And if you find yourself ordering clothes from a big box store because it’s simply easier than navigating a resale shop, that’s understandable.
Are there definitely products marketed to parents that aren’t necessary? Sure. Do I strive to buy second-hand and consume less when I can? Absolutely. But can we please stop acting like parenting must be an agonizing challenge to be considered “real” or “good”? Using a stroller doesn’t mean you’re a mindless consumer. Store-bought baby food isn’t toxic. While breast is best, it shouldn’t come at the expense of the mother’s mental health.
Before I became a mom last year, I reassured myself that no parenting choice was worth sacrificing our sanity over. I followed that philosophy pretty well—mostly. I was pretty set on breastfeeding and introducing solids, which turned out to be a source of stress for both my husband and me. Cloth diapering? We’re relaxed about it, knowing we can opt for disposables when needed without facing a laundry disaster.
Yes, disposable diapers and other conveniences are luxuries, and just being grateful doesn’t diminish that. But what your baby truly doesn’t need is for you to stress endlessly about how to raise them. So, if a bottle warmer makes your life easier, get one. Or don’t. Either choice is valid.
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Summary
In navigating the world of minimalist parenting, it’s important to recognize that different approaches work for different families. While some may advocate for simplicity and frugality, others find value in conveniences that make parenting easier. Ultimately, it’s essential to prioritize the well-being of both the parent and the child, allowing for flexibility in parenting choices without the burden of guilt.