Motherhood struck me like a thunderbolt—a whirlwind of love, joy, and an overwhelming reality I never expected. Right from the start, our high-needs baby made his presence known; we didn’t even get a moment’s respite during the so-called “sleepy newborn” phase. Instead of easing into parenting, we were thrown straight into the deep end, where our baby’s intense demands felt suffocating.
We weren’t completely naive (well, maybe just a tad). We understood that welcoming a baby would transform our lives and that newborns required immense care. However, in our pre-baby haze, we held onto the misguided belief that all babies slept soundly in their cribs and would only stir for food or comfort. We thought that as long as we responded to our baby promptly, he wouldn’t cry—how wrong we were.
At first, we accepted our new reality, hoping things would settle down soon. But as the days turned into weeks without relief, doubts began to creep in, fueled by countless unsolicited pieces of advice. We started to struggle against our baby’s needs, forgetting that he simply required our presence. Instead of embracing our situation, we found ourselves battling sleep associations, distinguishing between wants and needs, and grappling with feelings of frustration over his fussiness and constant wakefulness.
This struggle left us feeling utterly unsatisfied and desperate to “fix” our baby so we could reclaim our lives. We were fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, after six months of this exhausting war, I finally experienced a moment of clarity that transformed my perspective. I had often heard that it was perfectly fine to let certain things go when you have a newborn. However, I had mistakenly placed conditions around when this was acceptable and for how long. I thought that while I could seek help during the recovery period from childbirth, I should be able to manage everything afterward—except when my baby was unwell.
This unrealistic expectation made a significant impact on my self-esteem, mood, and my bond with my baby. I realized that granting myself permission to let things slide meant understanding that this could last as long as necessary until I felt stable enough to tackle other tasks. When I welcomed my second child just 20 months after the first, I faced another high-needs infant while still navigating the challenges of pregnancy. It took me three years to begin reintegrating some of those other responsibilities back into my life.
Gradually, the fog began to lift, and I started to feel more like myself. I recognized that not everything could or should slide, and I did prioritize essential tasks. Still, I learned to choose rest over chores and prioritize self-care whenever I needed it—something I required for an extended period.
I refuse to feel ashamed or guilty for this choice, despite societal expectations. While some responsibilities may have taken a backseat, my primary focus was on raising my children, meeting their needs day and night, and nurturing them with love. I can confidently say that I have succeeded in this endeavor.
I am shaping whole new lives, wiring their developing brains with my love and time. The household chores can wait because my energy is devoted to what truly matters. If we could truly value the significance of simply “being there” for our children, society might reconsider the relentless push to move away from that role.
Some days, it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything, but being my child’s entire world is more than enough for one day. Every moment spent holding, comforting, and nurturing is priceless—not just for my child but for our family and community as well. Time dedicated to our little ones is never time wasted.
So, allow yourself to let the trivial matters slide for however long it takes to find balance without compromising your sanity, your rest, or your baby’s needs. You can do this, mama!
For more insights on parenting, check out our other blog post about home insemination kits here. And if you’re looking for more information on hormone health, this link provides valuable resources. Additionally, for those considering pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC offers excellent information on these topics.
Summary:
Navigating new motherhood can be overwhelming, especially with a high-needs baby. The author shares her journey of allowing herself to let certain tasks slide while focusing on the essential aspects of parenting. By giving herself permission to prioritize rest and self-care, she found balance and fulfillment in raising her children without guilt.