A few years back, my father expressed his remorse for being preoccupied during my childhood. “I’m truly sorry,” he wrote. “I hope you always felt my love.” He didn’t elaborate on his regrets, but I understood.
Yet, there’s something I remember even more vividly. For over a decade, I walked across campus to visit my dad at his office after school. There he sat, buried in papers and books. The empty chair next to him wasn’t meant for anyone else; it felt like it was always waiting just for me.
When I arrived, my dad would glance up with a smile and cap his black felt-tip pen, a subtle cue that he was ready to listen. Sometimes I shared a few highlights; other times, I spilled out thrilling or dramatic tales from my day. My father would nod, adding his insights now and then, but always expressing that hearing about my day was the highlight of his own.
This routine stretched from my first days of school through high school graduation. I can’t recall a single occasion when he said he was too busy to talk, even amidst dissertation deadlines or faculty challenges. Whenever I had something to say, my dad was fully present.
He wasn’t perfect; he had his moments of frustration, worked long hours, and faced bouts of sadness. Yet, he was always there to listen, never too occupied or overwhelmed to hear what I had to say.
Contrary to the belief that giving a child our full attention makes them self-centered, I feel the opposite is true: a listening parent helps a child recognize that their voice matters. When children feel their opinions are valued, they gain the confidence to speak up in challenging situations—whether that’s rejecting harmful influences or advocating for others.
Reflecting on these moments, I realize I could have kept quiet, but I chose to express myself. Why? Because my dad made me feel heard as I grew up.
Now, as a mother to two wonderful daughters, I’ve vowed to pass on my father’s invaluable gift of listening. Over the past decade, I’ve implemented five essential practices to reinforce my children’s belief in the significance of their voice. These habits can easily become part of our daily routines with a little dedication. Here are six effective ways to empower your children:
- Be Present When They Speak
Pause what you’re doing and make eye contact. This shows that you value their thoughts, no matter how trivial. It lays the groundwork for deeper conversations as they mature. If your schedule is hectic, carve out specific times, like bedtime or after school, for dedicated “talk time,” which can evolve into meaningful exchanges. - Honor Their Words
Allow your children the time to articulate their thoughts. You don’t need to rush their sentences or correct their opinions. By providing them the space to express themselves, you are affirming their voice. - Encourage Them to Speak for Themselves
When your children have something to share with a coach or a server, encourage them to articulate their thoughts independently. I recall sitting in a fifth-grade conference when my daughter confidently voiced her discomfort with a classmate, and it was empowering to see her stand up for herself. - Empower Them as Experts
When my daughter helped me find my car in a mall parking lot, I dubbed her “The Parking Lot Expert.” Recognizing their skills boosts their confidence and encourages them to express themselves. - Pause Before Reacting
When your child shares troubling news, take a breath and respond with, “Thank you for trusting me.” This approach opens the door for open communication, even when your initial reaction might be anger or disappointment. - Listen with Your Whole Being
The time will come when your children face tough situations and must choose between silence and speaking up. They’ll remember your attentive presence, and that realization can empower them to use their voice, which can be transformative.
As parents, we know how challenging this role can be. There will be days filled with stress and misunderstandings. In those moments, instead of condemning ourselves, let’s resolve to do one thing: Listen.
By fostering an environment where our children feel heard, we help them believe their voice is valuable. This belief can change their lives.
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In summary, listening to our children is one of the most vital actions we can take as parents. Through attentive listening, we empower them to believe their voices matter, and in turn, equip them to navigate life’s challenges confidently.