If you’re a new mom, you’ve likely experienced this scenario: You’re casually scrolling through your social media feed when suddenly, a friend announces they’ve become a coach focused on helping others achieve their weight loss and health goals. You roll your eyes because, without fail, there’s already a message waiting for you, inviting you to join this “incredible journey.”
If this hasn’t happened to you, count yourself fortunate. But for those of us who have just welcomed a new baby (or in my case, twins!), it feels like we’re marked as prime targets for these pitches. The typical message goes something like this: “Congrats on your twins! I’d love to assist you in shedding that baby weight!”
First off, thanks for the sentiment? But please, stop implying that I need to lose weight! I hardly know you, and even if we were close, I shouldn’t have to feel pressured by your unsolicited advice.
Each time you suggest I need to slim down, it chips away at my self-esteem. And that insecurity doesn’t just affect me; it spills over to my children, especially my impressionable toddler. One of my biggest worries as a parent is that my insecurities might hinder my daughters from developing a healthy relationship with their bodies and self-worth.
When you offer to “help” me get fit (which usually translates to losing weight), it triggers me to count the calories in the cupcake I just shared with my child. She notices these behaviors. It makes me hesitate to indulge in the cookies we baked together, and she can tell when I’m too exhausted to play because I’m busy squeezing in a workout instead.
“But just try the shakes!” you say. “They’re only as much as a daily coffee!” To which I respond, “I haven’t had a coffee since before the twins.” It’s either your shakes or my daughters’ formula, so guess which one wins?
Look, I’m all for leading a healthy lifestyle and want to model that for my daughters. However, I take issue with the narrative that “strong is the new skinny” or that it’s vital to show my daughters that women should be strong. Why? Because “strong” often gets equated with having a flat stomach and visible muscles.
What I want my daughters to learn is that their value isn’t determined by how “strong” they appear or how perfectly they eat. I’d rather teach them to savor their broccoli before diving into dessert, or to move their bodies for fun rather than out of obligation to look a certain way.
I want them to embrace lazy days and understand that there’s no such thing as “cheat days.” All foods can be part of a balanced life. It’s crucial they know to listen to their bodies rather than their minds, which often push the narrative that someone else is more fit or skinnier.
Ultimately, I want my daughters to recognize that they matter regardless of their body shape or the number of cookies they choose to eat. The best way to instill this belief is for me to embody it myself.
So please, stop with the messages. Let me enjoy my time as a mom, complete with my baby weight, and refrain from urging me to join your “team.” I’m committed to raising confident, balanced women, and I don’t need the extra pressure.
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Summary
New moms are often inundated with unsolicited messages from coaches promoting weight loss and fitness programs. This pressure can lead to insecurities that affect not only the mothers but also their children. It’s crucial to foster a healthy body image and self-worth in a balanced way, rather than succumbing to societal pressures. Encouraging healthy habits should focus on enjoyment and balance, not on strict dieting or appearance.