Every parent dreads the moment they hear those words from a teacher: “Can we chat for a moment… in private?” As my son plays in the supervised playroom, I step outside with the preschool teacher. I see other parents and their toddlers laughing and chatting, while I lean against the wall, feeling like a fish out of water, pinned between a gardening cart and a squeaky tricycle.
“There was a biting incident today,” the teacher says. The sympathetic expression on her face tells me everything I need to know—my little one was the culprit. I stand there, stunned and speechless, grappling with an overwhelming sense of embarrassment. My youngest child is the first of my kids to exhibit this behavior, and it hits me harder than I expected.
It dawns on me that my feelings go beyond mere embarrassment, like witnessing a toddler tantrum in the store. It’s not just shock, although I’m certainly experiencing that. Ultimately, I identify the root of my flushed cheeks and inability to speak: shame. How did I end up being the parent of a biter? What am I doing wrong?
There are moments in parenting when you believe that despite your best efforts, your child’s actions make you feel like a failure. Different developmental stages come with their own “unthinkables,” and during the preschool phase, biting ranks high on that list.
It doesn’t matter that my son is loving, polite, shares his toys, and even eats his vegetables. In this moment, he is simply “The Biter,” and I am “The Biter’s Mom.”
When your child bites, it feels like the ultimate parenting flop. Our kids’ actions often feel like a direct reflection of us as parents. A single misbehavior—a forgotten “thank you,” an unkind remark, or a bite—can lead us to question our parenting skills. Like all kids, my children have acted in ways I’ve specifically taught them not to.
As an experienced parent, I realize that when their behavior goes awry, it usually indicates they are struggling with emotions or testing boundaries. They might be feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by a situation. Biting, as the American Psychological Association notes, is a typical behavior for children aged three and under.
While I understand this logically, it does little to alleviate my feelings of guilt, and I’m certain the other child’s parent feels similarly. Rational explanations rarely mitigate the social expectations we impose on ourselves and our children. We strive for perfection and expect the same from those around us. When my children misbehave, fellow parents often offer understanding and solidarity, but biting feels different. We want our little ones to behave like civilized humans, not wild animals.
Finally, I manage to apologize to the teacher. I explain that we emphasize communication with our children. I desperately want her to see me as a caring parent. I even inquire about how the incident unfolded, eager to defend both my child and myself.
She explains that while lining up, another child accidentally pushed my son. Frustrated, he turned to biting instead of using his words. While I appreciate the context, it doesn’t erase the shame I feel.
Upon returning to the classroom, I find my son building a tower of blocks. “Mama!” he exclaims, burying his face in my leg. “I was sad today.”
“I know, sweetheart,” I reply, stroking his hair. I feel guilty about his actions, but I don’t want to transfer my shame onto him. He is just a sweet 2-year-old navigating the world—learning, growing, and making mistakes. My role is to guide him with kindness and support as he learns to make better choices.
As for me, I’ll need to call the other child’s mom and apologize. A little understanding from another parent can go a long way toward easing our own burdens. If you’re interested in other parenting topics, consider checking out our post on the at-home insemination kit. For further insights on fertility, visit Infertility Tips, an authority on the subject. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, the NHS is an excellent resource.
In summary, dealing with a biting toddler can be an emotionally charged experience for parents. Understanding the underlying reasons for such behavior can help mitigate feelings of shame and guilt. Supporting our children through their emotional development is essential, as is seeking forgiveness and understanding from others.