I’ve reached my limit. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a walking treasure map. Sure, I have my moments of brilliance and can spot you sneaking treats from my stash, but that doesn’t mean I’m your personal search engine. I get it, you’re impressed by my talent for bribery when it comes to chores, foot massages, and keeping the peace during our long drives. I can even make you pose for family photos or serve chicken that doesn’t resemble nuggets, but the thrill of being the ultimate multitasker is wearing thin.
When you’re practically inside the fridge asking if we have milk, and I can see it almost poking your eye from across the room, I start to lose my cool. It’s a slippery slope from there, and we both know my patience is limited.
You’ve all become experts at misplacing things. Thinking I know the location of everything in this house does not flatter me. I’m not your personal organizer, and I’m done with this responsibility.
And just a heads up, if you’re looking for butter, it’s exactly where it’s always been — in the butter dish in the cupboard. If it’s empty, grab a new stick from the fridge. If there’s no butter in the fridge, we’re out. Got it?
I assure you, my hobbies do not include hiding objects around the house to amuse myself. I would rather not navigate a scavenger hunt every day. I can barely remember where I left my keys, so please stop expecting me to locate every single lost item.
If you’re wondering if we’re out of something, it might be more beneficial to channel your energy into actually searching for it rather than yelling, “Mom! Where are my sweatpants?!” How many times do I need to lose my temper before you realize this approach isn’t working for anyone?
If you took a moment to care for your belongings and put them back where they belong, there would be fewer items missing. So please, dear children and partner, stop putting me in this position. It drives me just as crazy as it annoys you when I interrupt your video calls or sing in public.
I’m just as bewildered as you are when you ask for milk while it’s right there. The responsibility is not mine anymore; you need to take initiative. I’ve always encouraged you to pursue your dreams, and that includes locating your colored pencils. So get on it!
I’m busy trying to keep you all thriving and managing your social lives so you’re not perpetually bored — a skill I take great pride in. That’s why I simply can’t squeeze in finding your library book for you.
And speaking of things, where in the world are my keys?!
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Summary
In this lighthearted yet exasperated letter, a mother expresses her frustration at being the go-to person for finding lost items in the house. She humorously highlights her family’s inability to locate everyday objects while asserting her own limitations in remembering where things are. The piece serves as a reminder for family members to take responsibility for their belongings rather than relying on her to find them.