When parents start sharing how their babies are sleeping through the night, I can’t help but think of the unwritten rule we’ve set in our little circle: sleep is off-limits for discussion. I understand the excitement; you’re thrilled about your little one’s achievements and the strategies you’ve used to get there. You want to share tips that could help others. But really, we have to stick to the rule—no sleep talk allowed.
Sleep (or lack thereof) is a topic that breeds countless opinions, and people are often eager to share theirs. I remember vividly, just after giving birth, when a well-meaning stranger asked me, “So, how’s he sleeping?” I was still reeling from the whole experience, probably looking just as frazzled as I felt, and I naively answered, “Oh, he wakes up every hour.”
Big mistake. This honesty opened the floodgates to unsolicited advice. “You need to do this,” “Have you tried that?” “Let him cry it out!” Each suggestion felt like a potential solution, yet in reality, they only added to my anxiety.
As a mom of three, each child has had their own unique sleep patterns. Now, I can filter the advice, but as a new mother, every suggestion felt like the key to a better night’s sleep. I was bone-tired—dealing with feeding challenges and a baby who would only sleep in my arms while I bounced on a giant exercise ball, which my legs were definitely not thrilled about.
I was already doing all the things: co-sleeping, wearing him to ensure he felt loved, feeding him on demand, and yet, my baby still wouldn’t sleep. The only piece of advice I hadn’t tried was the one that kept getting thrown my way: letting him cry it out. I had friends who were excited to begin sleep training. They were wonderful parents, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like I was failing.
Months later, I ventured out for a lunch date with friends, leaving my husband and baby together at home. I imagined their time would go something like this: stroller walks, diaper changes, and a lot of time spent indoors. Imagine my surprise when my husband texted me that the baby was asleep in his crib. I was overjoyed! But then he added, “He only cried for about 20 minutes.”
A wave of emotions hit me—joy turned to guilt and then to anger. My husband had let our baby cry it out! I had changed my mind about that approach, but now it felt like I’d missed a critical moment. Still, my baby survived—he was fine, and so was my husband. I realized that crying it out just wasn’t for me.
Parenting is a whirlwind of emotions; it’s both exhausting and rewarding. It’s important to recognize that there’s no single way to raise a child. Just as you might have your own methods for feeding, diapering, or soothing, sleep doesn’t have to follow a standard formula either.
As my oldest gets ready to turn five, I’ve learned to embrace the different sleep patterns of my three kids. One loves his crib and sleeps well, another takes naps wherever he can, and the youngest snuggles with us at night. We’ve had our fair share of sleepless nights, but I’ve come to accept that our way of sleeping is just fine.
So, while I still occasionally feel the fatigue of parenting, I cherish the unique ways we navigate sleep together as a family. And I won’t know what others think about my choices, because we don’t discuss sleep.
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In summary, parenting, especially when it comes to sleep, is a diverse experience that shouldn’t be confined to a single narrative. It’s essential to respect each family’s unique journey and find what works best for you.