I have a remarkable 24-year age difference between my first child, a daughter, and my twin girls. Yes, it’s true. Twenty-four years, not months. I became a mom at 18, and after my eldest moved out, I thought it was the perfect moment to embark on this journey anew. I welcomed my twins when I was 42. Interestingly, my oldest daughter is now a mother herself, which at one point made me a grandma while I was still pregnant — but that’s a story for another time. I raised my first daughter in the 1990s, and now, I’m navigating motherhood again in the 2010s.
When people learn about my two generational experiences of parenthood, their immediate reaction is often disbelief, followed by the question, “What’s the most significant difference between then and now?” The answer is simple: the internet has drastically altered my maternal instincts.
During my first experience, I never consulted a single parenting article or book. Back then, I relied mainly on my instincts, however flawed they might have been. My mother was my sole source of guidance, often while smoking a Capri cigarette. Her advice may not have been perfect, but she raised me, and I turned out alright, so I didn’t question it much. With her wisdom and my instincts combined, my eldest daughter blossomed into a wonderful person who contributes positively to society.
The second time around, everything changed. I thought, “Wow, I have the entire internet at my fingertips! This is incredible!” My research began before the twins were even born, as I found myself googling concerns like “Why does my baby hiccup so much in the womb?” In the past, I would have dismissed it as a normal occurrence, but online advice suggested dire scenarios, leading me to panic irrationally. I vividly remember a moment when I became so overwhelmed by my online findings that I was in tears, feeling utterly helpless.
Despite my doctor’s advice to avoid the internet, I didn’t heed the warning. Things only became worse after the twins arrived. I downloaded countless apps to monitor everything from feeding and diaper changes to developmental milestones. I found myself paralyzed by the amount of information available, unsure of how to trust my own instincts. By the time my twins were two months old, I felt completely stripped of my maternal intuition.
To be fair, the internet has its advantages: I’ve connected with other fantastic twin moms, snagged a great deal on a running stroller from Craigslist, and stayed in touch with my mother, who lives far away. However, the judgment, conflicting information, and alarming “what if” scenarios can easily lead a parent down a path of anxiety and self-doubt. Eventually, I realized I needed to take a step back and breathe. In doing so, I discovered that finding balance is key. Here are a few tips to help preserve your maternal instincts amidst the noise:
1. Tune Out the Judgment.
I hadn’t heard of “mommy wars” or “mom shaming” until the internet became my go-to for parenting advice. Sure, judgmental individuals have always existed, but in the past, their opinions were less pervasive. Today, that judgment reverberates online, often louder than ever. The reality is that no one has all the answers. We’re all navigating this journey together, and anyone claiming to have absolute knowledge isn’t much more reliable than your Great Aunt Sherry.
2. Acknowledge Conflicting Advice.
Conflicting information is abundant. You’ll find advice on everything from baby-wearing to co-sleeping that contradicts itself at every turn. It’s enough to make anyone question their choices. I’ve tried numerous approaches, and they can all work or fail depending on individual circumstances. Figure out what resonates with you and your family, and disregard the rest.
3. Steer Clear of Catastrophic What-Ifs.
Searching for answers can sometimes lead to worst-case scenarios. It’s easy to spiral into panic over a minor issue, convincing yourself that you need immediate intervention for something trivial. While I recognize that serious conditions exist and require attention, not every concern needs to be treated as an emergency. Limit your online searches and consult your doctor with your specific worries instead.
4. Avoid the Comments Section.
For the love of all things good, stay away from the comments section. This is the abyss where judgment, conflicting advice, and anxiety come together in a chaotic swirl. Hours of my life have vanished into that void. I’ve emerged feeling disoriented and frustrated, much like a rough morning after a night of overindulgence. It’s a trap best avoided.
5. Trust Your Instincts.
This may be the toughest lesson. It’s all too easy to second-guess ourselves and seek validation. When in doubt, lean on your trusted support network, both online and offline. However, remember that your instincts are still there, and often, they lead you in the right direction.
I still turn to the internet for advice occasionally, as evidenced by my recent search for “easy, mess-free toddler crafts.” However, I’ve learned to approach online information with skepticism. More often than not, I rely on my intuition.
And sometimes, I call my mom for advice, despite the years that have passed since she raised a baby. She might not be up to date on modern parenting trends, but her wisdom comforts me. I can almost hear her taking a drag from a Capri before saying, “Honey, it’s just a phase. They’ll grow out of it. Trust your gut.” While it may sound simplistic, it reassures me. I know my girls will flourish, thanks to both my efforts and my instincts, which are rooted in love.
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Summary:
Navigating motherhood with a significant age gap between children and the overwhelming nature of the internet can be challenging. By focusing on trusting your instincts, ignoring judgment, and avoiding overwhelming online information, you can reclaim your maternal intuition. Remember, every parenting journey is unique, and finding balance is crucial.