Dinnertime used to feel like a battleground in my home. By the time evening rolled around, my energy was depleted, and I’d been running on fumes since mid-afternoon. My daughter, on the other hand, transformed into a picky eater at the sight of dinner. Breakfast and lunch were easy; she’d devour her meals without any fuss. But come dinner, it was a relentless struggle.
Every bite had to be chewed until it was practically liquid, and sometimes it would linger in her mouth for what felt like an eternity. For those endless minutes, I found myself pleading with her to swallow. I often wondered why families put themselves through this nightly ritual.
The family dinner was my least favorite time of day. I even contemplated installing a small flap in her bedroom door to serve her food through it while I enjoyed my meal in peace.
We tried a variety of strategies. Timers only made her anxious, causing her to panic instead of eat. Threatening to take away dessert if she didn’t finish her meal only resulted in a bigger tantrum at the end of an already stressful day. Cooking her a separate meal didn’t solve the problem either; we tried that too.
Eventually, I realized that both of us were exhausted by the end of the day. We needed a new approach because our dinner time was anything but pleasant.
So, I decided to throw out the old rules and find a way to make mealtime more enjoyable for everyone involved. I ensured she was well-fed at breakfast and lunch, serving her plenty of healthy options that she would finish with ease. By the time dinner came around, I reduced her portions but still included the familiar foods she usually enjoyed.
Then, I added a surprise: dessert. I let her know she could eat it whenever she wanted, even first if she preferred. I explained that dinner portions were smaller than usual, and if she finished what was on her plate, she could ask for more.
I also made it clear that once dinner was over, it was done. No long waits or timers; we would clear the table when everyone was finished eating at a reasonable pace.
As I expected, she dove right into dessert at first. I watched as she glanced around, perhaps anticipating that the new rule would change at any moment. But I reassured her, and gently encouraged her to try more of her dinner.
To my surprise, she cleaned her plate! No tears, no tantrums, and definitely less time spent at the table compared to our previous experiences. It was a game-changer and, quite possibly, the most enjoyable family meal we’d had in a long time.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remembered how dinner was often a source of stress for my parents. I, too, disliked many vegetables and often played with my food instead of eating it. Forcing me to consume something I didn’t want never turned it into a favorite. The all-or-nothing approach with dessert only made me dread the meals I didn’t enjoy.
Letting my daughter indulge in dessert first eliminated her anxiety about finishing her meal to earn a reward. She felt empowered to make her own choices, which reduced our power struggles. The prolonged chewing was actually a tactic to stall, and I wish I had figured this out sooner—it could have saved us both a lot of grief.
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Summary
In summary, I discovered that allowing my daughter to enjoy dessert first transformed our mealtime dynamics. This simple change reduced her anxiety about eating and eliminated the endless struggles we faced. By letting her take charge of her choices, dinners became a more enjoyable experience for our family.