By: James Thompson
When my son, Ethan, was in first grade, we resorted to using school lunch as a form of punishment. As our oldest child, he is extremely particular about what he eats. I don’t mean picky in the health-conscious sense; rather, his diet consists of only a few items—cereal, mac and cheese, sweets, and pistachios. It’s astonishing how limited his food preferences are, and while I try not to blame myself, I can’t help but draw parallels between his eating habits and my own. I, too, have a selective palate and would happily survive on breakfast cereal and soda if left to my own devices. This shared trait makes me sympathize with my son, especially knowing how frustrating it can be for my wife, who craves variety.
I can’t say for sure if school lunches have improved since the ’90s, or if they were ever truly terrible. Perhaps it was just the frustration of having no control over what I ate that left a lasting impression. The thought of being served either lasagna or meatloaf, both with cold tater tots, was enough to make me dread lunchtime. Ethan, however, was adamant about bringing his own lunch every day, and the mere idea of being sent to school without it was akin to facing a deep, dark cave. He simply refused to eat anything that wasn’t one of his “approved” meals.
The turning point came one evening when he stubbornly refused to clean his room. Living in our small apartment, clutter was a constant issue. As he crossed his arms and stared defiantly with his piercing blue eyes, I glanced at his packed lunch and said, “Fine. If you won’t clean your room, you’ll have to eat school lunch tomorrow.”
Though he didn’t throw a tantrum, the distress in his gaze spoke volumes. As a parent, I’m not supposed to find joy in my child’s discomfort, yet many of us can relate to the satisfaction of discovering a parenting tactic that works. While some parents might restrict allowances or screen time, we found our unique motivator: school lunch—the ultimate consequence.
I picked up his lunch bag, contemplating what to do with it. After years of trying to find effective consequences for his behavior, I finally had a tool that would get results. Ethan wasn’t a bad kid, but nothing is more exasperating than a child who refuses to pick up their toys or do their homework. I thought I had found the perfect punishment, only to be met with a shrug and a casual, “Is that all you’ve got?”
Eventually, Ethan did clean his room. For a significant period, school lunch remained a punishment for him, and it eventually extended to our younger daughter, as well. I’m sure there are some “perfect” parents out there who might judge my approach, arguing that using school lunch as a threat is akin to corporal punishment. Maybe I was creating picky eaters or conditioning them to associate food with chores, turning them into adults who rage-eat and clean obsessively.
But then, something remarkable happened. One day, after years of threatening school lunch, Ethan casually remarked, “That’s okay. I like school lunch.” In that moment, I felt as if I had lost my kryptonite. A child who once dreaded anything outside of his limited menu was now comfortable with the idea of school meals. While he remains somewhat picky, he has improved significantly. Anyone who has witnessed a picky eater reluctantly consuming a bean burrito understands how monumental this transformation has been.
Now in fourth grade, Ethan no longer requires a packed lunch. He simply goes to school and eats whatever is on the menu. Sometimes, parenting takes unexpected turns. In trying to motivate him to complete his chores, I inadvertently helped him become a more adventurous eater. I didn’t plan it, but I’m glad it happened. Now, I just need to devise a new punishment for the next time he refuses to tidy up his room.
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In summary, what started as a punishment turned into an unexpected opportunity for growth in my son’s eating habits. Sometimes, the methods we use as parents can lead to surprising outcomes that benefit our children in ways we never anticipated.