I first came across Kahlil Gibran’s poem “On Children” when I was a teenager. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I can clearly remember my father reciting the lines, “Your children are not your children,” with a sense of nostalgia. Perhaps he was grappling with the reality of his kids maturing. Regardless of the reason, those words made a lasting impression on me.
Now, over two decades later, as a mother of three, I find myself reflecting on this poem with a deeper understanding. My eldest is now 16, and the profound insight Gibran offers resonates even more strongly, especially considering he was never a parent himself.
Typically, I tend to dismiss parenting advice from those without children, but this poem transcends that notion. Perhaps his lack of personal experience allowed him to see the truth with a clarity that many parents struggle to achieve. As parents, maintaining a sense of detached perspective is often a rare commodity.
Reflections on “On Children”
As I delve into “On Children,” I’m reminded of the opening lines:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.”
Ouch. Those words hit hard. For many parents, the instinct to care for our children is deeply ingrained. We may have made the choice to bring them into the world, yet we don’t own them. They are not extensions of ourselves but individuals with their own identities, shaped by forces beyond our control.
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
It’s a stark reminder of our mortality and the reality that our children are not reflections of our beliefs or thoughts. They are navigating a world we can barely comprehend, with a future shaped by their own unique experiences.
“You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
Parents have a profound understanding of the relentless passage of time. As we wish for moments to last, we realize we cannot turn back the clock. Time moves forward, and so do our children, forging their own paths.
The desire to imprint ourselves onto our children is tempting, but they have their own journeys. Our lives intertwine, yet each is distinct.
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.”
As my oldest prepares to take flight into the world, I feel the weight of this bending. Many parents say that as children grow up, the challenges of parenting intensify. The closer they get to independence, the more we feel stretched to our limits. Yet, this bending serves a purpose.
“Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
This is a beautiful reminder to find joy amidst the challenges, as both we and our children are cherished by a higher power. Our stability contributes to their ability to soar.
Our children, unique beings with their own destinies, walk alongside us for only a brief moment. They will advance humanity in ways we may never witness, pursuing their own paths distinct from ours.
In essence, they are not truly ours at all.
Further Reading
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Summary
Kahlil Gibran’s poem “On Children” serves as a poignant reminder for parents that while we nurture and love our children, they are ultimately individuals with their own unique paths and destinies. This realization encourages us to embrace our role as supportive guides, allowing them to flourish while recognizing that they are not possessions but distinct beings crafted by a greater force.