As I settled on my kitchen counter cross-legged, watching snowflakes dance outside, I reflected on the internet frenzy over a woman proposing with a bouquet of Doritos. Meanwhile, I was indulging in my own stash, two at a time, while my soon-to-be ex-husband was out on his first date since our separation.
Surprisingly, I feel totally fine with it. At times, I question why I’m okay with the father of my children, a man I’m still legally married to, enjoying a night out with another woman. It feels a bit off, yet also liberating and just right. He mentioned her name, and while I could have easily done some online digging, I chose not to. Honestly, I didn’t feel compelled to—at all. And here’s why.
Sitting in my kitchen, munching on my Doritos, appreciating the snowy view and the serene quiet, I felt an overwhelming sense of contentment. The thought of sprawling out in bed without my husband’s snoring (which I’ve affectionately dubbed “the band”) was nothing short of glorious.
After two decades with this man, whom I once longed to marry and have children with, I’ve come to realize that my feelings for him have shifted. The love I once had as a devoted wife has transformed into a more maternal affection. He’s seeking passion and intimacy, the kind of love that a wife should have for her husband, and I genuinely wish that for him.
If he’s ready to start dating and sees it as a vital step in his healing process, I fully support him (not literally, of course; that would just be awkward, and my chip-eating might ruin the vibe). We haven’t been intimate in nearly a year, and honestly, it’s been far longer since I felt any inclination to reconnect in that way. We both know it, and even his left hand probably has an inkling.
For almost six years, we fought to mend our fractured relationship, but despite all our efforts, it simply wouldn’t hold. The man who once proposed to me is still wonderful, and while we’re no longer living together, we remain connected in many aspects of our lives, especially concerning our kids.
When he asked me for outfit advice for his date, I offered my thoughts. The next day at lunch, he shared details about her, and I listened intently. When he mentioned chatting with another woman because he wanted to avoid monogamy after so long, I jokingly called him a jerk and reminded him to be upfront about his intentions with these women.
I’m not sure if he’ll take my advice, but I had to say my piece—even while tossing a few fries his way.
Seeing him happy brings me joy. I really do appreciate his progress. I’m also moving forward, albeit with a bag of Doritos as my companion for the moment. My “lady workshop” isn’t quite ready yet.
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In summary, it’s surprising how at ease I am with my husband dating others as we navigate our separation. While our romantic connection has faded, we still support each other in our individual journeys toward happiness.