Can you do me a favor? Please don’t underestimate my sons.
Every time you assume they’ll behave like primitive beings just because they’re boys, you’re selling them short. You make these assumptions when you think they’ll be distracted by a fleeting glimpse of a spaghetti strap or an extra inch of exposed skin. You do it whenever you overreact to a teenage awkwardness, like an embarrassing moment that’s often just biology at play, not a reflection of their character.
You keep underestimating them. You seem to think that their XY chromosomes come with a built-in excuse for poor decisions, emotional immaturity, or an inability to distinguish right from wrong. But let’s be real: humans have evolved far beyond the primal instincts that define some animals. They are not mindless creatures. They’re capable of reasoning, morality, and self-control.
Men are dynamic beings; my boys are evolving. What do I expect from you, world? I expect that we’ve moved past the outdated mentality of “What do you expect?” to a more enlightened “I expect better.”
Do not tell them to suppress their emotions or to “man up.” Crying, empathy, and expressing feelings are human traits, not weaknesses. They will grow into men, not by conforming to rigid standards, but by defining themselves.
The majority of men do not resort to violence or disrespect. Most understand consent and boundaries. If we were to believe that all men are inherently predisposed to harmful behavior, would that mean the considerate ones are not “real men”?
Please, don’t excuse their behavior with phrases like “boys will be boys.” This absolves me of my responsibility to teach them right from wrong. I am instilling in my sons the importance of managing their emotions. If they find themselves distracted by something like a spaghetti strap, it’s up to them to control their reactions, not the girl’s responsibility to change her attire. By assuming boys cannot manage their feelings, you’re not just taking agency away from girls, but also from the boys themselves.
I am teaching my sons the difference between right and wrong, the importance of respect, and that social norms don’t dictate morality. Mistakes are part of life, yes, but let’s not diminish their capacity for judgment.
I hold my sons to high standards, and I believe you should too—not just for my boys, but for all boys.
Love,
Emily
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In summary, let’s raise the expectations we have for boys. They are capable of so much more than we often acknowledge, and it’s time we recognize their potential.