It began as a simple family visit. My two little ones, a lively 4-year-old son and a bubbly nearly-2-year-old daughter, were enjoying the company of my great-aunt. Their charm and playful nature made it a delightful outing, and while I may not attract as much attention anymore, everyone relished the opportunity to interact with my kids. My aunt was in her element, laughing and singing with them, creating a joyful atmosphere.
As the day wound down and nap time loomed, we prepared to leave. After donning our jackets and expressing our gratitude for the snacks and fun, I reminded the kids to offer a high-five or a hug if they felt like it. My son opted for a high-five, while my daughter didn’t engage at all.
Suddenly, my aunt made a theatrical pouty face, pretending to cry as she reached out for my daughter. My initial reaction was frustration. Do I really have to say this? “I’m sorry, but we don’t insist on hugs. It’s nothing personal; sometimes they just aren’t in the mood.”
We waved goodbye and headed home. I hoped that would conclude the awkwardness, but my aunt, perhaps out of habit from a bygone era, continued to feign sadness. “Oh, just a quick one!” she said, her shoulders shaking in mock distress.
I had to draw the line. “Please don’t express that you’ll cry if they don’t hug you. They don’t understand that yet. Let’s just focus on the good time we had today and plan another visit soon!” With that, we made our exit.
This wasn’t the first time I’d navigated such discomfort. Older generations often expect children to be affectionate, and I recognize it can be disappointing when kids don’t reciprocate. However, it’s crucial to respect their feelings and autonomy. I often find myself explaining why forcing affection is harmful, as it can instill the notion that adults are entitled to physical contact, potentially increasing vulnerability to abuse. This is a challenging conversation to have, especially with family.
Even though I consider myself assertive, it’s disheartening that I feel uneasy addressing this issue. Society often conditions children, particularly girls, to give affection to adults, leading to awkward situations when I must remind relatives that my children aren’t responsible for their emotional needs. It’s not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings; rather, I wish for my parental authority to be acknowledged from the outset.
In lieu of forced hugs, there are myriad ways to express affection—like sharing how much fun they had or looking forward to the next visit. My kids enjoy creating adorable cards, full of charm even if they can’t spell quite yet. An emotional performance won’t encourage genuine affection; it will only lead to hollow displays. Wouldn’t you prefer a heartfelt card?
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In summary, it’s essential to respect children’s boundaries when it comes to physical affection. Encouraging autonomy fosters healthy relationships and emotional well-being, allowing children to express love in their own terms.