I was chatting with an old friend from childhood, catching up like we do every few years. Her name is Sarah, and she’s a single mother living in a bustling city with a stable job and one daughter. In contrast, I reside in a small rural town, married with three kids. Our lives have taken us in very different directions. Eventually, our conversation shifted to how often we get to hang out without the kids.
I admitted to her that my social outings have become almost nonexistent. With two jobs and all my free time spent with my children, I barely have time to breathe. Sarah, on the other hand, shared that she makes it a point to go out with friends—be it at bars or concerts—whenever she can. “I have a good life,” she texted. “I make decent money and have a reliable sitter. I try to keep a balance to stay sane.”
Reading her message made me feel a bit inadequate. Had it really been months or even a year since I had gone out with friends? We’re both in our mid-30s, and while I have friends, they seem to be a distant priority. Should I be spending more time with them instead of just my family?
It’s important to note that neither of us is doing anything wrong. From what I can tell, Sarah is a fantastic parent. Yet, I couldn’t fathom how she manages to balance her daughter’s activities, her demanding job, and an active social life. The more I pondered how I could fit in socializing, the more I realized I didn’t feel like I was missing out. Around this time, I stumbled upon an article by Lisa Thompson titled “I Value My Friendships, But I Prefer Time with My Family Over Anyone Else,” where she expressed similar sentiments about prioritizing family over outings with friends.
For someone who enjoys socializing, my view may seem stifling. But as a father who works over 50 hours a week, it makes perfect sense to me. I often leave for work before the kids wake up and return home after they’re in bed. It’s not unusual for me to attend conferences or meetings in distant cities, where my only interactions with my family are brief phone calls and blurry video chats.
When I’m away for work, I get a full night’s sleep—which is nice—but I miss my family terribly. I long for their hugs, holding their small hands, and the kisses from my wife. I wish to be there for her as she navigates the challenges of raising three young children. I know how demanding our kids can be, and I like being an active partner in this journey. I enjoy being a dad and husband, even during the chaotic moments.
Much of this stems from the reality that, as a working parent, I spend considerable time away from home to support my family. When I come back, I want to contribute more than just financially. That’s not to say my children don’t frustrate me occasionally. There are times I come home to a chaotic scene and wish for the peace of work. Yet even when I’m at work, thoughts of my kids bring a smile to my face. I look forward to watching them play sports or practice their dance moves, and I love helping them with schoolwork.
I feel a deep desire to support my kids in becoming amazing individuals. My connection with my wife has also deepened over the years from romance to a strong partnership. We still share romantic moments, but we work seamlessly as a team. She understands me, and I understand her. Together, we tackle every challenge, be it a messy house or a stubborn toddler. I find more joy in her company than anyone else’s.
Just last week, we had a family movie night watching Trolls, and it turned into an impromptu dance party. While my son watched with a bemused expression, my youngest twirled around, and my middle daughter showcased her ballet skills. My wife and I danced together, and it was more enjoyable than any concert I could attend.
Honestly, it’s tough to give those moments up. After spending so much time away, who would want to socialize with others when all I crave is time with my family? I don’t see it as being boring or uncool; I think it reflects how much I cherish this stage of my children’s lives, knowing it won’t last forever. As Lisa noted in her article, missing out on social events isn’t a priority. She emphasized the fleeting nature of this time with our kids, and I echo her sentiment wholeheartedly.
In summary, while I miss my friends, my family is my priority. I find joy and fulfillment in being present for my children and supporting my wife, as I know these moments are precious and fleeting.