As evidenced by the charming and often funny images of kids appearing much older than they are on social media, we’ve hit the 100-day mark in kindergarten. With first grade looming ahead, I can feel the pressure mounting.
My son, Ethan, attends a Montessori school, but he also participates in speech and occupational therapy three times a week at our local K–8 public school. Recently, his occupational therapist expressed frustration, commenting that he should be writing full sentences by now. “What has he been doing at that other school?” she exclaimed, clearly exasperated.
A friend of mine, whose child is also in public kindergarten, received a note from the teacher stating, “He doesn’t know any sight words.” I didn’t even know what a sight word was until recently! While memorizing these words might boost test scores, I can’t help but wonder—what happened to teaching phonics and sounding out words? I recently read an article that praised Finland’s education system, which doesn’t start formal reading and writing instruction until age seven. Instead, they emphasize play, ample outdoor time, and essential life skills. Expecting young boys to sit still and read or write for extended periods goes against their natural instincts.
I confess I was the ideal student, the type that teachers dream of from kindergarten all the way through college. My brother, however, was the complete opposite, once being made to sit next to his teacher in a “seat of shame” throughout third grade. Today, he holds two master’s degrees and earns a significantly higher salary than I do.
When Ethan struggled to walk at 15 months, my husband reassured me that he wouldn’t be scooting around on his bottom when it was time for kindergarten. I know that he will read and succeed, just on his own timeline.
Here in America, it seems like parents engage in competition on the playground, sharing their children’s IQ scores and reading levels as if they have something to prove. Why are we doing this? We should be uplifting one another and acknowledging the strengths of our friends’ children, showing them that they’re doing an excellent job.
In a moment of desperation, I even had Ethan’s IQ tested, hoping it might shed light on some of the challenges he’s faced. The night before the test, I found myself daydreaming that he could potentially have an IQ of 160. My inner protective mother roared, “That will show everyone! He’s a genius. Take that all you daycare providers who dismissed him!” Yet, his IQ results turned out inconclusive. He refused to engage with several sections of the test and even ran out crying at one point. While he enjoyed puzzles and math, he playfully dodged vocabulary questions, responding with a cheeky, “I’ve never heard that word before in my entire life.”
To help, we recently hired a behavioral coach to assist him in the classroom a few days a week. I had hesitated at first, but it’s been a game changer. This support has provided him with an in-class advocate who helps him focus and corrects his mistakes without punishment. Instead of negative reinforcement, his coach offers him the chance to regain rewards by improving his behavior. This approach has worked wonders for him.
Instead of fixating on test scores or discussing what level our children are on, let’s focus on what they are genuinely learning. Yes, my 6 1/2-year-old is still learning to read and struggles with speech. He also faces challenges in managing his emotions. But he is gaining a deeper understanding of the world around him.
Ethan might not be able to spell or write “Venezuela,” but he can tell you fascinating facts about it. This once shy and socially anxious child recently took the stage and confidently sang two songs in Spanish before an audience! He excels at climbing trees and is deeply engaged in math, science, and engineering, showcasing his unique talents. Most importantly, he is learning kindness, empathy, and how to interact positively with others, regardless of their backgrounds, and that is something truly worth celebrating.
This article was originally published on February 26, 2017.
In summary, it’s crucial for us to reevaluate the expectations we set for our kindergarteners. Instead of competing, we should encourage one another and celebrate each child’s unique journey. Remember, there’s more to learning than just reading and writing; emotional intelligence and social skills are equally, if not more, important.