When we think about missed connections, we often picture fleeting encounters with individuals who briefly crossed our paths. We romanticize the idea that these moments could have blossomed into friendships or romances under different circumstances. However, for me, missed connections evoke a deeper sentiment tied to my mother and a profound regret that lingers in my heart.
On the surface, my mother may seem like an unusual focal point for this reflection. We aren’t estranged; in fact, we enjoy a close relationship, despite our different personalities. Yet, the missed connection I refer to dates back about seven years, shortly after her early onset Alzheimer’s diagnosis—a moment I can never reclaim.
My close friend recently lost her father to Alzheimer’s, and we often find solace in sharing our experiences. Our stories bear striking similarities, but she possesses a memory I will forever envy. She recalls a poignant moment when her father was first diagnosed. During a walk on the beach, he expressed his love, pride, and the inevitable reality of forgetting her name while still holding her in his heart. That heartfelt conversation is my missed connection.
When my mom received her diagnosis, we decided, for reasons I still ponder, to avoid discussing Alzheimer’s. With both of her parents having faced the disease, we were acutely aware of its heavy implications. Initially, it felt as though shame enveloped our family; we kept the diagnosis a secret, unwilling to elicit sympathy or expose my mother to distressing conversations.
Over time, I have come to realize that the path through pain is often the most healing. Avoiding difficult topics can be more harmful than confronting them. Yet at that moment in my life, I was reeling from the tragic loss of my husband’s mother, and my father was struggling with the potential loss of his wife. I was in survival mode, tending to my grieving family and young children. I felt the need to maintain a façade of normalcy—“Put on a brave face, Jaime.”
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, without a single conversation about my mom’s diagnosis. We acted as if everything was fine, corresponding through emails and phone calls from my home in Colorado. I could hear the fear in her voice and sensed her heartbreak when she had to step away from teaching. Though she masked her sadness in front of my children, we all understood that time was running out, yet none of us wanted to confront the unspoken truth.
Then, one day, she forgot my name. It was the moment my friend had dreaded with her father. Although I knew my mother loved me and was proud of me—she often expressed it before losing that ability—we never had that crucial conversation. Now, our exchanges consist of simple commands: “Eat this.” “Let’s go to the bathroom.” While communication exists, it lacks the essence of the talk I longed for. We lost that connection.
Rather than dwell on this missed opportunity, I choose to view it as a lasting lesson from my mother: “Embrace the present, Jaime. Don’t shy away from pain; face it with an open heart.” She understands our intention to shield her from hurt, but hindsight offers clarity. I wish I could reassure her that I’ve taken this message to heart. Most people who know me would describe me as an open book, unafraid to share my imperfect journey.
Much like kintsukuroi—a Japanese art that mends broken pottery with gold—perhaps we can transform our regrets and grief into something beautiful. I bear significant cracks etched by missed connections, yet I strive to fill them with the love and wisdom gained from my experiences. It may be messy or uncomfortable, but don’t hesitate. Share your love, your fears, your regrets, and your pain. Always opt for the conversation.
In closing, it’s crucial to recognize the significance of connection, even in the face of adversity. To further explore the importance of personal connections and fertility journeys, check out resources like Make A Mom and Progyny for insights on handling family dynamics. For more information on personal touch in relationships, visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary: This reflection delves into the missed connections between a daughter and her mother during her Alzheimer’s journey. It emphasizes the importance of embracing difficult conversations and the lessons learned from regret, advocating for open communication in relationships.