As I stood watching my youngest drive away, car packed for college, a wave of sadness washed over me. The feeling of emptiness was overwhelming. I felt lost.
“Looks like you’re no longer a mother,” remarked a tall figure beside me, who usually offered wise words.
In a moment of frustration, I grabbed a butter knife and retorted, “Take that back.” Admittedly, that was a low point in my 25 years of parenting.
But as days turned to weeks and weeks into months, I began to regain my composure. My husband and I adjusted to our quieter, more spacious home, and I pondered the truth behind that seemingly harsh statement.
I realized I had many questions regarding my new role as the mother of three adults. Yes, I would always be their mother, but how deeply should I involve myself in their lives? Should I still offer my opinions? Should I voice concerns? Was it still my job to fill their Easter baskets and Christmas stockings? These questions led me to reflect on a more profound one: When does a child truly become an adult?
Defining Adulthood
Defining adulthood is subjective. Legally, individuals can travel alone at 16, attend R-rated movies at 17, vote at 18, and partake in drinking, gambling, and more at 21. Most states consider 18 the threshold of adulthood, primarily linked to the voting age established during the Vietnam War. Nonetheless, many would agree that true adulthood is a journey, not a destination marked by a birthday. For me, adulthood begins when a person can fully support themselves, especially financially. However, this age varies for everyone.
My Role as a Parent of Adults
So, what is my role now that my child is an adult? After navigating this question numerous times in recent months, I’ve settled on a crucial realization: let adult children determine the boundaries of their parents’ roles. This may seem one-sided, but for parents to relinquish control, stepping back from decision-making in their adult children’s lives is essential. Will they make mistakes? Absolutely; we all have. But life is about learning from those errors and growing wiser.
Accepting Their Choices
Now, what if my adult child’s choices clash with my values? This can be challenging. We raise our children with certain beliefs, but what happens when they diverge from those teachings? If my son, who I raised to be a progressive thinker, suddenly aligns himself with conservative views, or if my daughter, taught to embrace traditional values, identifies as a staunch feminist, what can I do? The answer: accept their choices. It’s their life to lead now, and our role is to love them unconditionally.
If they seek my advice or guidance? I’m more than happy to provide it, but I’ll wait for them to ask. If my daughter wants to chat daily, fantastic. If she prefers to connect less frequently, I must cherish those moments when they arise. Supporting and loving our children fosters an environment where they feel comfortable reaching out.
Embracing the New Phase
As you embark on the journey of parenting adults, it’s time to let go of control and embrace this new phase with calmness. Mistakes and regrets will shape our children into resilient adults, and it’s beautiful to watch them carve out their own lives. For further insights into parenthood and home insemination, check out this resource on artificial insemination kits, or explore Airborne Infections and Viruses: What Moms-to-Be Should Know for expert advice. For more information on fertility treatments, WebMD offers excellent resources.
In summary, evolving from a hands-on parent to one who supports adult children can be challenging yet rewarding. Embrace their independence and remember that love is the foundation that will guide them through life’s complexities.